Secrets

Fapping For Ladies 101

My partner in crime, FacialKnight, talked about the benefits of choking the chicken juzi. According to him 100% of dudes have gone through that same experience, only, with a few variations. Most people I ask agree with him…some giving me the weirdest stories, you boys can be quite the drama queens when it comes to masturbation stories. Oh, you want to hear them? Stick around and maybe one day I’ll repeat some of the funniest. I actually happened upon my own journey to the heights of heaven quite recently. So recently in fact, that it was actually only four months ago. Yes, I had my very first self induced orgasm in April. 2014! Shocked? You must be a man. Most girls identify with me in this predicament. We don’t know how to give ourselves orgasms. What girlie? You think you can? What exactly do you feel? Good? Is that your final answer? Really good? Enhe! What else? Oh, satisfied? Well, well, well…call me a hoho for I am green with envy! ( see what I did there?) You, lady, do not know what an orgasm feels like. Worry not though, I have said this before, the sex-ssiah is here to save you! Save you from the sad sad anticlimax that is your life! First and foremost, do you know what a clitoris is? No? You’ve probably never looked at your vagina as well…with a mirror, to examine it, pussy pics don’t count. Well, there’s an erect clit right there.
yours is probably hidden waiting for a little touchy feely...

yours is probably hidden waiting for a little touchy feely…

  Are you looking at your vagina? See how it shines, all fleshy and moist? The little (or big) hole beckoning a phallus for penetration. That right there, is your beautiful monster. So, what to do with it? First get yourself good and horny. Look for the sexiest romance novel you’ve got and read only the sex scenes, one after the other until you feel all tight down there and all you want it to find a man and shag his brains out. Don’t. Instead find that mirror and look at yourself again. See the clit, all erect and shiiid… Touch it. How did that feel? Too much? Rub the sides, gently…like you’re swiping on your touch screen. Make sure you’re really wet. Buy and use sexlube if necessary. #NB: Under no circumstances should you use petroleum based products. Lotion, vaseline, coconut and baby oil are out! Yeast infections start like that. I know this from…umm… personal a friend’s experience. Water based lubricants only! So, you’re wet…keep rubbing…rub some more. Only rub where it feels good, a bit like electricity shooting through your loins. Ignore everything else. Rub until you start to feel like holding it in. This is where it becomes tricky. Under no circumstances should you hold anything in. I guess I should have told you before but you need to make sure you’ve been to the loo before you start because you’re going to have to let everything go once the feeling starts becoming too much. Let it all go like you’re going to pee right then and there. Don’t stop rubbing. Don’t stop until your world goes black, a flash of light appears and turns into millions of starts and your body starts to twitch like you’re epileptic. Don’t stop until touching you clit is actually painful because it’s at maximum sensitivity. Then, and only then, will you know the beauty of an orgasm. One more thing, concentrate on your body. This is not the time to start wondering where baba boi is, or whether all you’re having for dinner is strong tea bila sugar. Respect the time you reserve for Idris Elba girl! That man is a god that you should all rub yourselves to in orgarsmic worship.
*sigh* those eyes...

*sigh* those eyes…

oh my! wish I was the one that got to oil those pecks...

oh my! wish I was the one that got to oil those pecks…

dammit! I need a towel now.

dammit! I need a towel now.

ayayaya! ELBA! You have killed me!

ayayaya! ELBA! You have killed me!

ENJOY 😉