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I get the ‘guys are idiots for visual aid’ thing but the nudes craze is extremely out of hand! I keep bitching that dudes don’t even do casual internet sex anymore. It’s all “Hi, my name is _______, can we whatsapp, yeah, nudes?” All the f****** time! What happened to the good old “Hey, I like your internet persona, can our genitals get acquainted real quick?” That was soooo romantic. It was a quick easy way to get laid. No one cared that you were catfish. All people wanted then, was to bone your internet self, not introduce you to friends and family….and by that I mean, share pics of your nethers with friends and family (cousins, siblings, the occasional uncle and very rarely, an awkward dad). In the ancient internet past that’s 2012/2013, humans over the internet actually met to share bodily fluids before proceeding to tarnish each others ‘stellar’ reputations on social media. I can’t for the life of me understand how sms relationships over whatsapp escalate and we get swamped with pictures of gigantaur of the tyre movement. As a member of the fat community I’d like to point out that nobody, not even us, likes to look at things that aren’t finely cut. Cellulite is as welcome during sex as a foothold while rock climbing. Stability is important during coitus, to keep the rythm steady. Curves are awesome to hold onto but to look at? Very rarely. Frankly I got over nudes when Shebesh’s came out. I was all no no no, apana!!! I’m not indulging any more little boys if grown ass men can’t keep nudes to themselves. It’s a wrap boys. I’m recycling nudes from now on. I figure that they’ve been doing the rounds anyhow, one more pair of balls – eyeballs, couldn’t hurt.

I had fun at 18. Lots and lots of fun. Too much? Most probably. I don’t know how you spent your 18th year girly, but if it was having lots of steamy sex, you wasted it. Mh mh mmh! Wasn’t I fly! It is absolutely the cutest I’ll ever look! This potent mix of innocence and newly discovered sexiness that drives men wild!!!! Most men over 27 won’t date girls aged 18 -24, too much drama they say. I would deign to say that no one, not even one, man can resist an 18 year old. She’s young, firm, nubile. She’s tight, fresh, confident. She’s inexperienced, eagre, loyal (or so you’d like to think). Her eyes are bright, her breasts are sharp, her hips are swinging – she’s special. At 18 no man could resist me. Masculinity was at my beck and call. Small dick, big dick, long dick, thin dick, all dick that I pleased. Not one said no to my please. At 18 no one disappoints. The wise ones know they need to make an impression. If they can hit it till kingdom cum then you fall in love with the erotic and they’ve got good sex karma for this great service to manhood. The inexperienced show up diamonds hard and energetic, their crimes, breaking hearts and a weak pull out game. Know anyone turning 18? This is your warning: let her at them or face the consequences of secretive copulation. Her wrathful hormones will have her hunting raging hard ons like a lioness. A horny, perky, really really hungry lioness.