On Saturday I was at this cool kids’ gathering in town, a tweetup/instameet. Hey, relax! Don’t worry, I’m not about to bore you with a litany of boring stories about big wigs and other pointless gossip. No, I’m going to talk instead, about a couple of nobodies that showed up. Don’t care who they are, if I don’t know them they’re probably nobodies.
These kids looked about 18-19 but acted like 16 year olds, so that’s what I’m going with. The were properly cute and when I went over to their crew, the girl introduced the dude as her twin brother. I looked at him for confirmation and he smiled. No help. He was tall, she, short, he was dark, she’s light. They were both super skinny, rare enough in Africa, so they could be related…maybe. Either way, this guy was properly bro zoned. He was such a bro he was her twin! Twin zoned people!
He didn’t look annoyed and irritated every time she announced this to the world though – she wasn’t shy about it either telling everyone, even people that didn’t ask, instead he looked really amused. I was perplexed. Why did he have that goofy smile on? Didn’t he under the tragedy he was party of? Good looking, tall, well dressed guy, maybe he’s being thrown at so much pussy that he’s literally thinking this bro zoning female is godsend! Maybe.
The day progressed and I think I found out why he was so amused. The two were clearly fucking. Proper fucking? How did I know this? All the touching of course! You don’t touch your sibling, that’s the rule. They were holding hands, carrying each other, pinches here and there, lots of ligering hugs (pelvises touching) and the guy wasn’t allowed to talk to any of the other girls, which was really telling.
I, was the pervert watching these incestuous twins and thinking the Lannister spirit isn’t exclusive to blondes. When did the touching start? In the womb? Ewww! Either that or they’re not twins at all! In fact, they might not even be related! Gasp!
Now, why would a girl introduce someone she’s fucking or wants to fuck as her brother? Why bro zone a nigga in public and screw his brains out in private? Does this mean that femmes do this to friend zoned niggas too? Are people screwing and zoning haphazardly? What does this mean for zoning laws? What does this mean for democracy? What does this mean for the world? OMG! Anarchy awaits us!!!
Do not be afraid. I, the Minx, am the messiah (sex-ssiah??? nah? Ok) I will save you! The key is the touching. You find excuses to feel up someone you’re boning. The touching gives away these zoning terrorists.
Has a girl zoned you? Does she keep touching you and giving you inappropriate boners that you’re constantly ashamed of? Well brother (*winks forever) I tell you today, she wants you and your boner but is probably turned on by incest and wouldn’t screw you if she didn’t think of you that way. Go forth and get your dongs wet.