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So I just saw people on Twitter talking about stroke game. I don’t care about how long you can hit it by the way, so long as you’re hitting the right spots I won’t last more than 5 minutes…true story! My beef with boys is where those strokes land. Ever been on doggy position then he slips out. and when he’s going back in fails to aim so that all that strength and enthusiasm land directly onto your clit by way of his wayward D?! You reposition and keep going until you’re through because in your lusty state you haven’t realized what just happened. Teren teren… 20 minutes after you’re done and you’ve cooled off you begin to notice a dull throb that soon turns into a full on tragedy on your nethers. The pain on your bruised and battered clit rivals that of a broken bone. Woe unto you if you have to leave his place anytime within the next 6 hours, you’re either doing the open thighed duck walk or the tightly held penguin. Tafadhali, I beg, don’t hurt her trying to prove your stroke game is better than her ex’s.

To shave or not to shave? that is the question. First of all, if you live at a place that hits27°c and over occasionally then you HAVE TO shave! No negotiations! Your sweaty ass pubes are a menace to society! just ask those people you’re harassing with your stench seated at crotch level when you’re alighting from matatus. They had a meeting, called me and told me to tell you to put a razor to the germ filled fetid mess you’re harboring down there. I personally have a love/hate reaction to shaving. It boring, it’s a chore. And then there’s the razor burns, pimples, the struggle to get the tuhairs hiding within my fleshy folds and the constant fear that I’ll slip and give myself an impromptu circumcision…my kabutton is precious to me, *whispers* Precious… However, the level of horny I get to after I shave is just ridiculous! My bare lips rubbing on lacy underwear! Weh! I swear I stay constantly wet for four days after going bald. I have to carry an extra pair around just in case I soak through my first. It’d be nice if I could get laid during these times. I don’t. You males really disappoint at times. Sometimes I won’t shave on purpose just to avoid getting head. Mostly it doesn’t work. The nasty ass mofos I date seem to get extra excited by a furry muff. The breathing always gets labored and audible when the his fingers go under the panty line and feel the fur. I seem to attract freaks, birds of a feather and all that. Guys, the blade in the razor is to small for you to castrate yourself – your fears are unfounded. Please shave your balls, all the way back! There is no way I’m ever putting hairy scrotum into my mouth! Kama ni cha hivyo afadhali ikae. Girls, don’t be 50/50 about cleaning up! Take out all the hair, including that which lurks between your ass cheeks! Yes, there’s hair in there, like little soldiers protecting your hole from those jamaas that pretend they got the wrong hole. In this day and age of people going with the internet sex standards of ass eating, cunt licking, knob gobbling and ball sucking, you cannot afford to keep a nasty bush. Not in this tropical African savannah of ours. Cheerio.