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“You see how we have Halle Berry in the United States, in Ethiopia the streets are filled with Halle Berrys” -Chris Tucker- In a long running tradition of God’s finest practical jokes, he decided to create different races. I’m sure he wanted to foster tolerance and acceptance, but what he succeeded in doing is fostering boners. Fauzia was, 5″11′, bronze complexioned and as ass from here to Kismayu. Somali in origin and all round fine ass chik! The first time I stared into her eyes my dick wept thick white tears. I couldn’t wait to hit that! Rumour had it that Somali girls let you hit it anal because of their strict virginity rules and with the ass on that girl was big enough to tilt the earth off its axis, I didn’t mind that my first booty-ing experience would be with her. Unfortunately that ass was also big enough to tilt the scales of luck against my favour. Alas it wasn’t written in the coital clouds that I make that booty bounce. She had 4 brothers who didn’t take too kindly to neighbourhood boys sticking their 8 inch business (yes girls, 8 inches 😉 ) into their sister’s hole-y of holies. So I spared myself an ass whooping because I don’t look sexy with a broken fibula, and dumped the temptress. I ran into her last week, she gave me that “go suck on a grenade’s pin” look, but I didn’t notice much because my eyes were on that canvas behind her that i wanted to paint with my DNA. How could one girl stir so much desire within my loins? What is it with some races that drives us to the edge of insanity? Why can’t i just revive the same lust with a girl from Nyeri? Or just bust a nut on Anyango and make her cook me ugali na samaki (I did that by the way, story for another day)? Why did God in all his infinite wisdom, make some races infinitely sexier than the rest? Habesha is a term Ethiopians and Eritreans use to refer to themselves. I assure you, this is where creation stopped and art begun. Like Chris Tucker said, the streets were full of Halle Berrys. Sorry Chris,you need to stop smoking Jackie Chan’s Asian weed, Halle has nothing on a mama mboga from Ethiopia! That woman can wash my two hohos anytime (ladies, very big hohos 😉 )! It is ridiculous how beautiful these creatures are! Lola Monroe is an American video vixen born in Ethiopia. Google and steep into depression at the sight of her small waist and the explosion that is her rear end. I saw a video of her dancing and swear to God, I now believe in Unicorns and Smurfs because there’s no way in hell is that thing not magical!!! Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that there’s no beautiful blacks in the rest of Africa, or any with big behinds. What I’m saying is that these two qualities are rarely ever found inhabiting the same body. Booty is inversely proportional to beauty here. This inequity of booty : beauty ratio isn’t confined to our African shores though, have a look at Ukraine, Spain, Poland, Portugal, and recently witnessed from the world cup, Brazil and compare these to the rest of America where people are either Adelle or Nicole Richie. I’m sure had I gone to the World Cup, I would NEVER have returned. Why would I when the ugliest girl there looks like Julie Gichuru and Anne Kiguta’s love child? Sleeping with a Brazilian girl should be classified by NASA as an extra terrestrial encounter; because you don’t even use your dick. You use your soul, and your whole life flashes before your eyes and you cum rainbows. It’s been scientifically proven that a man’s brain slows down when talking to a beautiful woman and as such, there should be travel advisories when going to Cristiano Ronaldo’s home town. Brain damage is inevitable and the Portuguese Government shall not be held accountable for your brain falling into a vegetative state after staring too hard at their busty females. What, I beg to ask, was the point of it all? Why make some cultures so absolutely stunning? What, as a diety, would you hope to accomplish? I’ll tell you what! (Lucky for you I speak Jehovah-nese, yeah yeah, my room in hell is getting furnished as we speak) So that your puny brain can come to no other conclusion. These Latino and Habesha girls are direct descendants of the angels that came down to mate with humans (always thought Nephilim was to sexy a name for ugly brutish giants), hence they get you to believe in God and the bible and you end up in church!!! Check mate! God 10-0 Humanity!

I have a sexy favour to ask you.                                                                                                                           Hhmmm…Name it I need a sexting article and you’re my favorite sexting partner ever, so well…will you help? Ha! Am I? What am I supposed to do? Sext me. You are. You literally ruined sexting for me. Other people are too crass. Hehee sext like right now? Are you somewhere where you can’t? I’m watching football Finish then holla. Wait, you can’t trace our thread upto those days? Deleted them all. You’re not in the mood? I can wait until you are. Ooh… You know I have exams so I was gonna try and read tonight In that case, I’ll take my tits over there and try not to jiggle too much. Hehee and you never sent me my tits… I miss them I was saving them for a bribe, for this. Hehee my penis was the bribe I’m going to lick that penis someday and it’ll be repaid. Hehee I thought you said you don’t like head… I don’t like getting head. I adore giving it. Ooh nice… Then it means you can suck me all night until I nut? And swallow. Woow… You are making me think of us naked. And doing crazy things to each other. What kind of crazy things? My balls in your mouth… I’ll lick them until they’re dripping. I will interrupt you with my penis down your throat I’ll suck it until my jaw hurts, then suck it some more…While rubbing my erect nipples on your thighs. Shit. I don’t wanna cum before I taste your vagina But I want to taste your cum. I will ejaculate in your vagina then transport some with my middle finger to your tongue Oh! You can do that? Why not? I’m your vagician  I want you inside me now. Badly! From the back or from the front? Front. I want to see your cum face. My cum face will turn you off. Bend over I peep into your vagina and see how pink it is Nothing turns me off. Lie down, let me kneel right over your face. Clear view. Just sit on my face instead. For a moment until I can’t breathe I sit and begin to rub myself on you. My clit is tingling. I can feel it on my tongue, but my penis wants it so badly. Ride me while I watch your boobs bounce up and down… I move lower rubbing my dripping pussy all over your body on my way down. K. I spank you hard coz I want you so bad. Ignore the k Ignored. I sit on your D and move down slowly… Oooh god… Your pussy so warm and tight… Up and down I go…you feel amazing inside me. I hold both your breasts in my hands. Thrust yourself on me more… Play with my nipples. I pull you down. Your nipple is hanging just above my tongue ‘Lick me,’ I beg! I squeeze my pussy muscles hard on your throbbing cock as I say “please, bite my nipples.” I place the tip of my tongue on your left nipple and immediately push you away…From my mouth I sit up straight and pound down harder and faster! You must be punished! Up down, round and round! Faster and faster. I grab your butt cheeks and push myself inside you more. It’s the first shot. I don’t wanna stay…And yes, I love being punished! I smack you on the thigh and tighten mine. You’re going nowhere. I grab your hands and hold them above your head as I continue riding your hard dick. I turn you over, throw you down and immediately get my penis back in there and start stroking with stamina, in and out, round and round. You are helpless under me. Oh Lord! Yes! Fuck me! I wrap my legs around you pinching your ass with my toes and pushing you deeper inside me. I thrust harder. Holding you by the neck. Strangling you a bit. I hear you suffocate in your moans I pull you down and kiss you hard…take your lower lip with my teeth, bite hard, and refuse to let go. Shit! I’m gonna cum. I just can’t hold back. I wanna explode right inside you. No! I want to cum right where none of it will go to waste In my mouth? Yup… And on your tits Go ahead babe. Give me that pearl necklace. I spray cum all over your face, mouth and tits… You are licking the little that landed on your lips You taste sooo good! I want more. Suck every bit of it from my penis… I’m licking and sucking you like you’re my only source of protein for miles. I drain every bit of it down your throat… My legs feel weak. Damn! That was random… Lol! I’m nothing if not spontaneous…

ROCKET SCIENCE 101: Monogamy I like to believe Adam and Eve’s relationship was easy. They had plenty of food and water, they were both ridiculously good looking being the first humans and all, had beautiful Eden all to themselves and they were naked. It was all gravy.  Most importantly though, the reason they were doing well, was because there was no one else around to interfere. You see, when God had finished creating those two he wasn’t done with the modifications to his Human Mach 1, he decided a beta test was necessary and rested. He was planning a perfect life for them, until Adam got a boner and ate the apple (I’m not letting this go, the douchebag) then shit hit the fan, they got kicked out of the garden. The one alteration God didn’t get to put in, was the on switch for Monogamy. I would’ve killed to see Adam’s reaction the first time he got attracted to another woman. He must’ve been minding his business on his porch thinking how he’s going to tear up Eve’s pussay like “Tonight, I’m going to screw Eve back to creation!” then….. “Shiiiiid, look at that ass! Daaaamn” when he saw the other girl walk by and thus heralded a new enemy for human relationships, monogamy. Society expects this of us, that we be faithful. If you go against the grain, you’re a slut, a manwhore, promiscuous and she’s entitled to half your shit. What garbage!!! Let’s look at the science behind my saying this. When you are hungry, you eat.  When the body processes the food, you will shit. That’s the way your body is conditioned for your survival. When in a relationship, she makes me horny, I get to bang her into oblivion (to make babies) but if another girl makes me horny I’m not supposed to? ‘Go forth and multiply’ was the order. How will we propagate the species if I can’t bang anyone else? Monogamy is anti creation. Anti evolution!!! I have a blocked nose today, but I still smell the bullshit and it stinks! Nature is a bitch about this unfairness, it floods the jungle with instances of males of different species hanging with their harems of willing females. Lions with their pride of lionesses, cocks with their hens, Prezzo with Huddah, Vera, Cess Mutungi, Sheila Mwanyiga…and still we’re expected the to tow the line with just the one female?  Swans and penguins mate for life, are they more civilized and self controlled than us mammals. Maybe. I love my girl. She is smart, beautiful, funny with an ass that makes by scrotum ache, but alas, I am human, I see other asses too.  Bigger, rounder more sumptuous buttocks. Buttocks that bring tears to my eyes. Do I yearn to partake in these foreign pleasures? Yes, God yes!!! Do i go through with it? No :”'( . Why? Because if I did go through with it and she found out, I would lose her. Therein lies the reason monogamy has thrived for centuries: we are afraid to lose our mate. This should not be confused with wanting to be monogamous. No, nobody wants that. What you really want is what your carnal desires want. They want you to bend Susan from accounts over your desk and screw her like she withheld your payslip. You have a carnal need to put your boyfriend’s best friend in your mouth and suck the black off his dick. That’s what you really want. The rational part of your brain knows the consequences though, so we abstain, and go home to our spouses. It’s an eternal struggle to remain faithful, affecting every subsequent generation. Maybe our president had it right when he passed the polygamy bill. Although it has not been popular with the women, because apparently it’s misogynistic blah blah blah…I see it as a way out of this evolutionary crisis. Only the strongest survive, there’s strength in numbers. Let’s just smash, make babies and leave the legal and financial implications up to the lawyers and economists to oversee. For Christ’s sake i would just like to suck on Vanessa’s nipples for once without having to worrying about wify finding out! What are you afraid about your spouse finding out?