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It was 5 hours long. I’d carried a book to read on the trip,I was almost done with the final chapter when I heard someone say we were 10mins away from arriving at our destination. I knew she couldn’t wait to see me. I was excited too but I didn’t want to show it. I wanted to maintain that cool muthafucka veneer long enough for her to see it and let her know that I could care less if I was here with her, but I did want to be there. I had known her for a long time but never made a move. Mainly, because I was in another relationship, but I wasn’t in one when she texted me for the first time. After a few weeks of texting back and forth, including the occasional call, she decided we needed to take it to the next level. Ha! Sex. I’d known this was coming. She told me she spent her nights with her hands down her knickers rubbing away at her clit, with thoughts of my dick ramming away at her moist pussy. She was whipped even before I’d taken off my pants. When I alighted the bus, I found her waiting for me. The girl that met me wasn’t the same one I’d remembered, she was a vision! (ha! admit it, for a second there you thought I’d been catfished, psyke!) I could tell she’d just done her hair. It was swealtering outside and she’d wore a pink spaghetti top that barely covered her navel so that I occassionally glimpsed flashes of her flat tummy. Her waist must’ve been the size of a wasp’s and looking lower, by Gaad, what came after it was an ass so fat I could’ve sworn she was hiding midgets in her back pockets! Her black hipster must’ve been struggling to keep it together at the seams from the strain her ample thighs put on them. “God have mercy on them jeans,” was my silent prayer. I could feel that sharp pain of anticipation in the pit of my stomach. This was going to be a long weekend. I didn’t comment on her breathtaking beauty though, (you’ve got to create that doubt in her mind so that she tries harder to impress you) so the way to her place, we had small talk about the long bus ride and how I needed to get used to the humidity that usually blanketed the city. Boring. She did most of the talking. I was busy elsewhere. The visuals I had in my mind were of how I was going to grab a handful of ass as I entered her from behind, mh mh mmmh! It started to show on my face, (I’m terrible at poker) and she noticed, so I had to stop. We arrived at her place. It was a cosy and tastefully furnished one bedroom apartment, can’t say more because I don’t remember anything else, I was there for pussy, not sofas! Once I set myself down on the two seater, I could feel the insides of my boxers hardening! This was it. It was time. She had gone to the kitchen to bring me a glass of Water. She came back and placed it on the corner of the coffee table near me. She sat close to me. I couldn’t wait. I grabbed her and kissed her gently. I pulled her closer and her heart was pounding so fast I hoped thought it would rip through her bra! I started kissing on her neck, she let out a small moan. I’d found one of her spots ;-D . I continued on her neck as my hands explored that heavenly body. I struggled to keep my nerve, didn’t want it to be over before it even begun. I reached for her hips, to slide off her pants. She obliged and lifted them up. It was no simple matter, taking them off. Her hips and ass presented a huge challenge! I moved up from her neck to her supple lips, and sucked her tongue into my mouth, to distract her as I firmly pulled down her pants. I was sweating when that hipster finally came off. Her tongue invaded the confines of my mouth, I could still feel her lips quivering. I held her hips with both hands and slid my palms gently around to her derriere. What I found there, I felt, I needed to see my eyes to confirm! It was humongous! This was the largest ass I had ever laid my eyes on! Even bigger now that before! Beyond those jeans lay a planet! I felt like Columbus the first time he discovered a new land. It was beautiful and it was exotic. To tackle that ass and emerge unscathed would make even my ancestors proud (ghostly hi5s anyone?). I looked at it, invoked the Stinson in me, and said to myself, “Challenge accepted!” I laid her back on the sofa, running my hands on her thick thighs, until I reached her black lace panties that were already soaking wet. I pushed them to the side and lightly but firmly cupped her pussy in the palm of my hand. She inhaled sharply! When I slipped in a finger and touched her clit, she started trembling while onto holding my hand tightly! “Don’t worry love,” I said silently, “I’m not letting this pussy go anytime soon.” She was cumming, her juices dripping through my fingers onto the sofa, like squeezing an over ripe mango. I smiled a wry smile… this was going to be a long weekend.

We talked about the importance of introducing kegels to help strengthen your pussy’s pc muscles, strengthening your pelvic floor to avoid the totally unsexy flabby puss, and all at once, make you Aphrodite incarnate, trapping your man into a permanently lustful, bewitched state. There’s more. I wish that that simple or that it was enough. You girls should know better though, when were things ever that simple? Huh? Mwanamke ni complications, is how it should really go. In my research I came across multiple articles about how unhealthy it is to do kegels, as an exercise, in isolation of any other lower body work outs. The continuous contractions of the pc’s can and will cause a weak pelvic floor if you don’t strengthen your other pelvic region muscle groups i.e. your gluteal muscles, for balance. In layman’s terms, if you don’t develop your butt muscles, your pussy will still end up weak and unable to grasp your man’s cock to maximum satisfaction. We do NOT want that! Squats, when heavy and methodical, also work your Kegels. As you squat, you are (primarily) working your glutes (work out lingo for buttocks); they are contracting and driving the load of your body (plus weight you add) upward. As you stand from your squat, your glutes are tight, and you’re keeping your Kegel’s tight and engaged. Women who have more muscle mass, particularly in the glutes (I’m gym savvy now, can you tell?), have greater control of the Kegel muscles; you learn to control muscle contraction, lending to greater sexual satisfaction for both you and your partner. Well, it wasn’t technically a lie when I said you wouldn’t have to go to the gym for this. Yes, squats are part of the exercise regimen at a proper gym but no, you don’t have to go there to do them. This is Africa so you’ve probably had to squat to pee/poop at some point in your life. Pit latrines, Asian style loos, bushes…Squatting is a way of life around here. If you’ve got children then you’ve probably had to squat to get down to their level. In short, we are no strangers to squatting. How many times a day should you do squats? Well, you should do at least 15 a day breaking them down into 5 sets of 3 at the beginning. It is recommended that you carry a weight to increase the load your butt has to carry (unless you’re Vera Sidika that is, her load is already bigger than any one person should have to handle). The bigger the weight, the better the work out, the stronger your glutes and pc’s and the better the sex. Imagine a scenario where you’ve perfected the “butterfly quiver” and squatting! Then you pull the move below on that lucky sumbitch while ‘quivering’ your butterfly… At the end of it all you can even break his flat screen at the height of EPL fever with no fear, because that nigga ain’t going nowhere.  

He shouted at you again at work today. Just a few minutes ago actually. You’d left for lunch at 11 after getting to work late, at 9, and gotten back to your desk at 3:15, in your usual blustery manner. Everyone had stared as the vein popped on his forehead. He wasn’t angry, no. He was a boiling volcano of lava and fury and it was all pouring out, magma and flaming rocks hurling out, aimed straight at you. Your pulse quickened as his voice got louder and the abuses got worse. What were you thinking, he asked, do you think you’d get paid after the laziness you’d shown. Do you expect other people’s hard work to put food on your table? The questions went on and on. Your coworkers, the bastards, they kept nodding along to his words, none of them would come to you aid if he raised a fist against you. They despise you. He walked up to you until he got really, really close. He was so close, you could see his molars every time he opened his mouth to sent another word of retribution your way. In your bra, your nipples hardened. You’ve had your tongue on those molars. Felt every ridge. You know his mouth, his lips… His lips were moving slowly now, you could no longer hear a word he said. Beads of sweat formed on his upper lip. “He shouldn’t stand so close,” you thought. “I’m going to lick him.” “Close your eyes girl. You can’t want a taste of what you can’t see,” your brain told you. He stopped abruptly, turned and stormed out of the office. You sat down shakily at your desk, then thought better of it, stood up and stormed out also. That was two minutes ago. In the car he tears off your thong and garters like an animal. He doesn’t have to though. He’s already inside you, thick and hard, pounding all the anger and frustration away. “Is this how you liked it? Do you like to be used at the back seat of a car with nothing under you but cold leather? Clothes torn and discarded so that I have to drop you home under the cover of darkness to maintain a sense of decency? Is that what turns you on?” Smack! A slap lands on you bare bottom, it stings. Your answer? Maybe. Maybe you just liked that you had to take off to lunch early to buy new underwear because he’d torn your last pair just that morning, taking you doggy style, in your office. So many questions though. Can’t he just concentrate on how wet you are and fuck you harder? Now you have to rub yourself to cum, because he can’t get his mind off his bloody questions and into your pussy. Concentrate man! Concentrate!