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beach Here and now, let me tell you today, NEVER EVER HAVE SEX AT THE BEACH!!! EVER!!! Why? Well, because it’s a really really bad idea for your genitals. So the year is…I can’t remember, and the waves are nice. It’s October, my birthday month and because it’s the beginning of my personal new year, I’m feeling optimistic as fuck!!! I need adventure and I need it now! What’s perfect for a Coastal girl like me? Well, beach sex of course! I’d lived in Mombasa almost all my life and certainly all my sex life and I had never gotten a chance to coit in the sand and salt. I’m not stupid and I listen to the sexual elders that came before me so I knew to avoid the sand as much as I possibly could. No romantic romps lying missionary on a picnic rug on the white glittery sands for me. I’m not a big fan of impromptu FGM via friction or the inevitable bacterial infections that would accompany such folly. I had, had a quickie by the beach once, with Johnny (*sigh*) of the 96 fucks, but that didn’t count because I was bent over from a standing position with my jeans and mother’s unions pulled down over my ass. We were hiding behind the perimeter wall of one of those Muhindi beach houses, it was dirty and sexy. Not romantic, salty and involving lost swimming bottoms…this is what I craved. Johnny’s almost, didn’t count. My October madness considered, I was mad. Crazy for some under water drilling. My old flame was back in the country from educational forays abroad and our first time on Kenyan soil was going to be in the Indian Ocean. Determination was me. He was scared of the choppy waters at first. It was a long time since he’d swam, and since the days of slavery, Africans are notoriously afraid of salty water (Dothraki references anyone?). After my best attempts at acting sexy and failing miserably at it, he followed me in (pity no doubt) We braved the waves that occasionally got the better of us. After swallowing a tonne of whale semen, the sexy bit begun. We were picking seaweed off each other when the tides literally turned. It got sexy so fast! I don’t know how else to explain it but I totally got wet, under water. I was so slippery it was hard to keep steady and told him that I needed to hold onto him to avoid drowning (really smooth, I know). He complied and I wrapped myself around him. His hands roamed and he found my tits, they were set off deliciously in my skimpy swim suit and I could feel the effect I had on him. At that moment I wished I’d taken him straight to bed so that I could explore that massive monster in his trunks intimately. He started playing with my clit but the salty water found its way under the hood. Kumbe that button is sensitive in more ways than one! Weh! I slapped his hands right off! THE PAIN!!!! I’m a determined, horny, little (not-so-little) fucker though, so I was going to finish what I’d started. Besides, anyone that gets a guy hard in such cold water had better finish what she started. Sio rahisi bana! He entered me and it felt soooo good. In and out I bobbed, the water covering me fully at times. I almost drowned trying to keep the movements going. Plus dick that good had me closing my eyes and I couldn’t look out for those killer waves. I kept going though. Because a Kamba girl is nothing if not dedicated. I’ve heard is said (by me) that “Joto ya wasichana wakamba ndio ilimaliza maji Ukambani”. #factsonly Apparently my pussy was just as good (if not better) as his dick and the man also closed his eyes. Sema wave kutulemea! At that very moment the biggest wave ever hit us and we were suddenly 4 feet under water. His dick stuck in me, my massive thighs wrapped around him, we sunk! Deep! I don’t know by what miracle we resurfaced I tell you, because believe it or not, even after about a few minutes fighting the water above us, we never separated. We breathed that air as one, massive dick still moving in and out of me, like our genitals didn’t even need air to go on. They were like “Y’all just do what you gotta do, we live and die fucking.” Apana, hapo I just said no! I cannot die like this! What would they tell my mother when they found my body floating in the Indian Ocean with that thing (probably still hard) inside me? I told him it was over. Thank you but this adventure was over. I was wrong! I hadn’t ever had anyone that large inside me and my body wasn’t used to providing the necessary amounts of juice to lube me up. The guy had rubbed me raw on the inside and the second he withdrew all the way, a rush of salty water rushed in to replace him! Guys, I’ve felt labour and that pain was nothing!!!! My pussy literally screamed in agony! I got to the shore and begged him to cover me with the leso I’d brought to wipe with as I washed my pussy with the fresh water he’d carried for drinking. People were watching but after a lot of consideration and my cookie hurling insults my way for subjecting her to such dire straits, I gave in, squatted and rinsed. It almost felt like an orgasm. My lips were so hot and swollen! And red!!! Never again I tell you! Never ever! Beach sex on my honeymoon? No, not me! My boo wasn’t spared though, the salt water had gotten into his small hole but because I finished all the water washing my poor pussy, he had to semi limp all the way home. I didn’t give up on adventure though, as I said before, I’m too horny to dwell on sexual mishaps.  

The following positions should never ever miss out on your repertoire of staple sex positions, especially when you’re in the not-so-gifted category of penis-hood. They make for maximum penetration and she’ll thank you for every second of your hard dong moving inside her, creating untold pleasures in her honey pot, during one of these. Let her get on top then bend your knees like in the illustration above. Your legs provide support for her bum so she’s able to stay in that position longer without tiring out, puts you in more control of her movements on top of you, pushes her clit more directly onto your groin for better clitoral stimulation and and this is a safer alternative to the traditional cowgirl because it reduces chances of knee injury from the continuous bending backwards your legs experience as she bounces her weight up and down while riding you. Because she’s tilted forward be your legs, your penis head inside her gets more direct contact with her gspot making her orgasm that much faster. You’re getting deep penetration and yours isn’t too far away either. Win-win for everyone. Get her into missionary position then lift first one leg, then the other, onto your shoulders. One her legs are high up, hold her firmly by her waist and lift her onto your magic wand. Penetrate her slowly until her lips hit the root of your penis and her bum is resting on your thighs. I know what you’re thinking miss. It looks like a tricky position but I promise that it really doesn’t need any degree of flexibility or for one to be particularly tiny. This is hands down my favorite position of them all! Granted, with my massive posterior, it’s somewhat impossible for my skinny partner to lift me onto his dick by the waist like in the picture featured, but the penetration is always extremely deep regardless. To achieve the extra extra deep penetration though if you happen to be a ‘big boned’ lass like me, you can place a pillow under you and that’ll provide the additional lift required,  perfectly. Ah! This one is for magic. Double the trouble with deep penetration and unlimited access of your tits by his eager lips. Let him sit on the edge of your bed or couch and straddle him like in the picture above. Use you knees and his shoulder for leverage as you move up and down on top of him. Rotate your hips for a difference in sensation. To provide extra sensation on your clit, he should lean back and lift his groin to meet your, here is another point where a pillow or cushion placed strategically under his bum, will come in handy, to avoid him tiring out too soon. Do not forget to fiddle with her nipples fellas. Some suckling is in order if she’s to achieve orgasm, a strategic gentle bite here and there wouldn’t be out of place either. Do be gentle though, you’re not there to tear off flesh like an untamed wild cat, even if she did call you ‘tiger’ at some point in your coitting.   This only happens with a doggie gone wild (or should) When you’re hitting it so hard you push her down onto the bed and into some random dark corner where she can only see darkness and is breathing rarefied air. She can move no part of her body and any attempts at taking back control are futile. You’re the man and she gon’ learn something today!!! To take her over the edge that much faster, take one hand to her front and play with that magic button at the apex of her thighs like your life depends on it. Ladies, even if he doesn’t, you have your own hands, don’t you? They’re jobless now that they don’t have to hold you up any longer. Put one down there and do the yellow pages! Let your fingers do the walking girlie. Believe me, cumming in this position is witchcraft itself! You will fall so hard for that man on top of you!!! Fellas, this is how to get your woman to submit. You want to be the dom in your relationship, this is where you take control. Fuck her so hard that her shaking legs only have the strength to take her to the kitchen and nowhere else. And here is the position for all those that wonder how ‘equal partnerships’ work in the bedroom. Get her to lie down on her side, not flat down but in a semi-seated position propelled by a pillow or two for more comfort. Straddle one of her thighs then lift the other one onto your hip as shown in the illustration above. Once in this position enter her slowly, stroking in and out as you go along to maximize dickhead contact with her gspot. Her clitoris is on easy access here so don’t forget to play with it until she sees stars. Like most other modified missionary positions, this one is perfect for you to play with his nipples. This is a forgotten art ladies. The male nipple rivals the female clitoris as an organ placed on the body purely for pleasure. The lack of fatty tissue in the male boob makes his nipple extremely sensitive and failure to pull at, suckle on and bite that little sucker is a disservice to the man pumping his hard member in and out of you at that moment. Rotate your hips, pinch his nipple and do ‘the butterfly quiver’ and see if he doesn’t ‘pour’ in three strokes of his cane.