I think it’s time we dropped this charade. It’s getting older than Moi’s nose hairs and it may earn us men some much needed respite. We have been accused, we have plead not guilty on numerous accounts but have been convicted none the less, even when the charges belonged to the next man. I’d like to throw myself at the mercy of the court when I admit that, all men are dogs. Yes. All of us. Filthy, horny, dogs. We couldn’t keep it in our pants even if it meant World Peace (which it probably does :-/). From your Dad to that silent guy who is always hunched over his computer at work (someone should look into that guy, I think he’s watching porn). We are dogs. Come on ladies, the writing was on the wall, we even gave you a little hint. A dog is man’s best friend. Who said, “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are”? He was talking about man and his doggy mate.
Why choose to be a dog? You may ask, well, it’s because we can. Simple. There’s not a more selfish, insensitive and callous animal than the male of the human species. We were not created with a caring bone in our bodies. Caring was just implied in the Creator of the Universe manual. Females on the other hand are blessed with being able to bring forth life, hence are natural care-givers. Save us the guilt trip, those are the sort of characteristics necessary for us to be hunters and conquerors, so that the family could eat and we could have dominion over nature, just as the good Lord intended. If we cared about monogamy and the sanctity of life and all of that ethical crap, the human species would have died out ages ago. This also comes with some baggage, as most men, by default, don’t give a shit about female emotions. Only what they harbor in between their thighs.
It’s all a game of who can pierce the most pussies in a single lifetime. A game most men are more than willing to take part in. Other men are less than enthusiastic about our hunger games, because society decided to create morals. Now its frowned upon if I shag 10 girls while having someone at home. I forgot to tell them about her! You try declaring your marital status to her while she’s all wrapped up around you, moving under you, when you’re completely taken by thick thighs with tears in your eyes (this shit even rhymes, that’s how right it is!) That girl will turn into a raging bull so fast!!! If you manage to hold on and keep your dick inside her during the bucking, it’ll be the fuck of your life!!! Better be worth it though, because she will find your wife. Divorce, ostracism, half your wealth gone… Woe unto you if you get caught cleaning the maid’s pipes! Hitler never died people, he just lived on in form of this nonsense.
Now, since I feel for all you dogs out there, I did some research and some baking and found a way for you to have your cake and eat it too. Want to be a dog and still keep the wifey around? ‘;o Well, beat her with the same stick she beats you with. I mean fuck her into submission. Yes, there’s such a thing. This theory brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “fuck her brains out”. Scientists contend that an extraordinarily intense orgasm can cause temporary memory loss. Anything that powerful can always come to your aid because even if the memory loss is temporary, the effects are permanent. How many women have you ever heard confess that they want to leave their philandering men but can’t because, and I quote, “The D is too damn good”? It’s what shackles them to the relationship.
When they say good D, they mean toes curling, blindness causing, failure of motor functions inducing, mother’s maiden name calling good D. The type she has to ask which year it is afterwards. The type that leaves her muttering nothingness into the pillowcase, twitching. Never underestimate the power of good Dick. Since you’re in trouble for doing the same to other innocent victims, you might as well pick up the experience from your away games to please the home crowd.
I won’t stand here and preach that this is the miracle cheat for all you horny bastards, but it’s damn sure going to create some breathing space for you. You just need her to have a reason to hold on to your sorry ass. Plus treat her like a queen. Even if she thinks you’re cheating, the ethereal sex and a dozen of roses you sent to her mother, will confuse the fuck out of her.
And even before the jury reaches a verdict of whether or not you’re guilty in the matter of the state vs your libido, their minds have already been swayed by how many times you made them all cum. And that gentlemen, is how you get away with murder, I rest my case.