The Classic Missionary Even monkeys know how to get into this position, but I insist on telling you how because describing these things turns me on aSometimes all we need a little nasty TLC. You’re home from work/school (not high school), tired, you’ve been rained on, all you want is a hug and some warm tea, but your ‘bae’ ‘boo’ ‘love’ ‘hun’…your resident idiot, is super duper horny for you. You look at that sexy body laid in all its naked glory before you and feel nothing but dread. Your partner wants…nay needs, you to be stellar tonight. There’s nothing worse than sexually disappointing someone so horny they’re turned on by the mere presence of you. No, you need to be at peak performance. But all you wanted is tea! Fuck! How do we salvage this situation? Well, there’s a way you can get the warmth and intimacy you desperately need from your decidedly randy sex mate without leaving them woefully unsatisfied and you even more stressed out and exhausted. The following move is perfect for those nights when all you need is a warm body intent on loving out all the cold this, ironically, chill deficient world, has cruelly inflicted upon you.
Lay her down gently on the bed/couch/carpet and kiss her. Kiss her until she starts to moan.
Rub yourself against her, body to body, while your tongues whirl against each other’s. If your foreplay involved lots of massage oil then the rubbing will make the experience 100x more erotic. When she’s good and wet, slide your dick head into her. Just the dick head. It’s to collect moisture for what’s coming next.
Get your boner wet and slippery then withdraw and run the tip lightly over her swollen clitoris. Some girls will find direct contact to be too much so a circular motion just around the little button’s edges – with a little more pressure than you would around her clit, should do the trick.
How to know you’re doing the right thing: She moans, long and hard. Yeah? No.
What you should look for is a change in breathing patterns. A sharp intake of breath or an increase in her breathing pace. The faster she breathes the better you’re doing. Of course moaning isn’t discounted…but we’re mostly liars and could be faking it. Just go with the breathing.
After rubbing around/on her clit for 15 seconds your dick head is getting dry. Go back down and collect the moisture. Just the dick head yo, don’t get greedy. You can penetrate and withdraw the head a few times just to annoy her, then back to the clit. Take that button in circles until her eyes are rolling in rhythm with your D. Make her beg.
Only when she’s at peak arousal are you allowed to enter her full. Do it slowly and gently. Love that pussy. Take it. Have it. Like it’s your most precious possession.
As you enter her try your best to maintain eye contact. This part will require a little dialogue beforehand but it’s worth it. Keeping your eyes locked together throughout will be hard. The sensations coursing through your body at this point if you’ve followed my instructions, will be forcing your eyes shut like you’ve got magnets on each eyelid. Ignore instinct and watch your partner make love to you. Intimacy is the key word and this is a foolproof way to achieve it.
Who cums first?
It’s quite hard to achieve a simultaneous orgasm but trying is always a lot of fun! Having a generous partner that tries to make sure you cum first is always a major plus. Gents have famously been castigated for their selfish ways and we forget that us girls need to make his cumming interesting too.
Do your best during foreplay to turn him on as much as you possibly can. Get better at head. Reciprocate with the massage. Don’t be afraid to feel around for sensitive spots. Use all these to your advantage.
Move around during the missionary. This isn’t the position to leave it all up to him. Man in charge mpaka lini? You can should will take control and make his blood boil? What are all those late nights, spent winding your waist in time with Konshens’ instructions for if you can’t transfer this particular skill set to your bedroom? Any ‘good girls’ reading this? You don’t go out? Well, almost all the nursery rhymes we learned as kids taught us how to wind the waist. Yes, it was all for practice. Hook those legs around his waist and start moving!
Kegels mami. Super important. That dick massage from your pussy will have him singing the Opera…in his mother tongue!!!
Who said the missionary was boring. I would personally like to thank Johann Ludwig Kraphf (sp?) and his Mrs for bringing this position back and insisting on it as the Standard for all good Christians everywhere. In no way did they mention not fiddling with it. Be innovative. Make the tried and true a little nastier.