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Transcription Eh! Ona diugaga kuoguo keino reke gwire. Nie mudu rume ucio wakwa diue kuria arutire experience. Nwona kang’ura, anyogaga ginya gamwira ambe areke thugume. Akajira, “Thuguma.” Ngai! Niuruo nie ginya akijikaga gaita. Niwona nudu urio arume maitaga ukaigwa niwaita, niarelax? Nitakimake arajikaga gaita. Noo ucio niwe mudurume arajikire diraita. Izi zingine dirathishagwo oo thishwo. Yes, nidorokaga gaigwa direda guthishwo. No, tanya mudurume ucio niwe aratumire jiite! Niwona uno arume maito kagwo, akahana taa akuo? Mii namwaganga, Ngai! noo ucio mudurume niwe oratumire. Ni ma ghai! Suzie nakwambia, huyo mwanaume alikuwaananitomba! Sema kutombwa! Dirakwira arafu, twatwa niguthishana, todo niarakimenya ka nie muti nidiwedete, hapo dii wet, nake ee wet, uria uriragia tumae… akaba akauhututhia mahaha kang’ura iguru, akauthigithia kang’ura-ini! Gaaaai! Nie daiguaga taa gumia! Ginya muiritu ucio neiba twareganatie neiba wakwa ee, aki— ajire “Maa Shiro! Nie ma! Uria uratumire — jike. Uratumire ginya uratuma jite mudurume wakwa, naniturahitanitie, diramualika, oke nyuba, niguo tuthishane, kotodo murashinare diraga toro!” Ghai! Ucio mudurume arathicaga, taiga guthicana. Ghai! We tiga urauga uhoro wa kuogwo, nie aranyogaga gaita! Niwaugaga guita! Wewe! Ha! Ginya naniwatuma jokie, Gai Mwathani! Ria igiruta muti ku? Translation to: Kiswahili/Sheng’: Eh! Kunyonywa pussy! Wacha nikuambie! Huyo mwanaume wangu, sijui alitoa wapi experience. Unaona clit? Alikuwa ananinyinya hadi namwambia aniwache nikojoe. Ghai! Alikuwa ananifanya hadi namwaga. Unaina vile mwanaume humwaga hadi unaona amaerelax? Mimi alikuwa ananifanya hadi namwaga. Hizo zingine ilikuwa tu kufanywa. Yees, nilikuwa nakua horny na naskia nataka kufanywa tu na huyo mwanume aliyenifanya nimwage. Unaona vile wanaume hucum anakaa kama amakufa? Mimi namwaganga na huyo mwanaume ndio hunifanya hivyo. Suzie nakwambia, huyo mwanaume alikuwa ananitomba! Sema kutombwa! Tukiamua nikufuck, juu anajua mimi napenda mti, sasa unaona yeye ako wet na mimi niko wet, vile inalilisha tumaji…kwanza anasongesha juu kwa clit, alafu anairub kwa clit! Ghaaai!!! Mimi huskia ni kama nitakunya! Hadi jirani ananiita kuniambia, “Aki Shiro! Wewe! Vile ulinifanya nifanye! Ulifanya niite mwanaume wangu na tulikuwa tumekosana, nikamwalika kwa nyumba ndio tufuck! Kwa sababu mlifuck nikashindwa kulala!” Ghai! Huyo mwanaume alikuwa ananifuck, sema kufuck! Wacha wewe unasema mambo ya kunyonywa, alikuwa ananinyonya namwaga! Sema kumwaga! Ha! Mpaka umenifanya nikuwe horny Ghai! Sasa nitatoa mti wapi?    

What amuses me with Twitter and social media in general is that somebody somewhere with a smartphone and a few bundles, thinks of something and decides that the rest of the nation, should think about it too. If we were talking about something important, say transforming the Transport industry so that our fellow citizens don’t die on the roads, I’d be game, but when we are talking about the complexion of someone’s skin, and whether or not it offers them more privilege than the other. Quite proud of this moment, I’m sure my grandkids will swell with pride, knowing their grandpapi was born into this dermatologically obsessed generation. IMG-20141104-WA0010 As nauseating as it is, we are here to play devil’s advocate. Let’s think for a moment, if maybe there’s some basis to this madness. Is there cause to hold debate about skin colour and whether it holds sway over behavioral traits? I hate to agree, but it does. Mostly, its women who are on the receiving end of this castigation. Because, of course even if men had the complexion of an Avocado, we are Adonises right? (cue matrix like bullets) Honestly though we emphasize more on women because they bother more with their skin tone than men (metrosexuals, please catch the next one, this MAN bus is full) Many a company has made fortunes, banking on this obsession, fully aware that women will do almost anything to achieve a specific, more socially acceptable, skin tone. Why is this? Because society has decided, that if you carry this skin tone, we shall judge you this way, if you have the other we shall judge you in another way. Surprisingly, as shallow as it sounds, this . The battle between Light-skins and Dark-skins, has an actual origins story. Light-skins Unarguably the most fancied of the two! They are a colossus on the social meter. Light skin does things to a man. It awakens a sexual demon so malevolent it threatens to overwhelm your very psyche. I have never slept with a light skin girl. Not that they never crossed my path, but because I have a reputation to protect. I’d rather not go down in history as the guy who came in his pants after he saw a light-skin’s pussy. Have you seen light skinned pussy? It looks like a meat-pie. Golden mustard, baked to perfection. When she’s wet, it just gleams off her skin like cling wrap. Dammit!! And the boobs? Like fucking Pawpaws! The little freckles on those mounds, like Morse code for “Please suck my nipples”…. Me? Crying? No, it’s just these allergies you know. When you are the SI unit for most men’s wet dreams, it kind of goes to your head. That’s why people maintain that the light skin is the African answer to the American blonde. Idiotic, empty-headed, oblivious and arrogant. The age old joke about light skinned girls taking the longest time to reply a text, is cliche and true. Half the city (the male one) is in her inbox at any one point in time and thus in her defense, it’s hard to reply a text you didn’t see. Men are buying her cars and houses, I’d be arrogant too. Shit, I’m arrogant and the most expensive thing I own is a picture of a Lamborghini, on my phone. Light skins are even get the bigger share of jobs in the market and getting paid more for less work (lying on your back isn’t work girl, it doesn’t count). Is it any surprise the that countless women are spending a king’s ransom in bleaching services to acquire that fair complexion? This is a beast we have fed and wont be slain anytime soon. Dark-skins Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce to you, this exotic cocktail of Mocha and Sex. As dark as the nothingness accompanying the celestials, richly satisfying, put your hands together, for the dark-skin (and the heavens roared in applause). As you can probably already tell, I have quite the affinity for dark skinned women. By affinity I mean a heroine like addiction complete with rehab and itching. I like to think of dark skinned women, as a bar of chocolate, with a vagina. Think about it, God just decided to add colour to a canvas. For centuries, this richness in Melanin has become a polarising factor in the course of history. Slavery , the Civil rights movement in the United States, Apartheid. All because of the black on our skins. The “African skin”, might well be a single turning point in the history of mankind. With that said, they have certainly been a turning point in my life. I’ve always dated Dark skinned women. Never fell off the wagon to bow down to the deceptive temptress that is the yellow puss! Why? Because they are goddesses these dark-skins. They are nothing to scoff at. It’s the contrasts that do me in. The skin sets off, the white in their eyes and teeth, the pink in her pussy against a back drop of chocolate skin. Its like looking at a lost Picasso. The thing that makes dark skinned women have so much depth in character, is the fact that men don’t pay much attention to them. Yes we will find them attractive but we wont fiend for them. We will be too busy fighting in endless competition for a little yellow yellow and ignore the black beauty next to us. It’s because somehow we have convinced ourselves that being dark is an obstacle to overcome. Hence the endless beauty regimens. Dark skins don’t usually skate through life on their looks. They are like a full bodied wine, bold and strong. Plus their sex is like an explosion of every sense the human body can comprehend. I’ve had sex so good I saw Nirvana and a Lamb playing catch with a Bear. It’s beautiful. Bias is a human nature.We will always idolize one thing above another, to make ourselves feel better for attaining it. This duel is skin deep, literally. Its repercussions on the other hand, aren’t. In the end, we are what we choose to be.You are not your skin. Let me watch this unfold, I’ll be the one in the corner, sipping the rich black coffee.