The last two years have been the worst in terms of my sexual luck. Best in sexual lack actually. *sigh*
I know what you’re going to say, girls can’t have dry spells…well, that is one of the myths and misconceptions of our sexual generation. We do have dry spells and they’re way way worse than a guy’s simply because of the stunning variety of men we’re expected to choose from!
Yeah, yeah, I know how that sounds. You boys are about to ‘check your privilege
‘ me. Girls, I know it sounds counterintuitive but you’ll see why the more wolves you have baying at the moon between your thighs, the less likely you are to be having sex.
The problem is the quality of men asking for your
hand in marriage
pussy. If it were just dick we search for, picking a willing male would be easy as pie. But Nooo, our bodies are built different. It’s not just any old phallus that’ll make us tingle and spurt genital juice in orgasmic splendor. (Isn’t that the point?) No, we need way way more than just penetration, a little in and out action and some clit play.
First and foremost, we need to actually be attracted to the guy inserting himself into us. Is it the same for guys? No, the pussy works for him either way. Yes, even when dead, a female will still give some necromaniac mortuary attendant the time of his life. Trouble is that that treacherous organ, pussy, only works for its holder after she’s met some excessively high standards for the man her brain thinks she deserves.
Do you think Njoki Chege likes that her body has taken all the dick holders that own blue subarus out of the equation for vigorous horizontal hugging? I’m sure she realizes that there’s some good dick hiding amongst the beer guts in that subgroup. And don’t forget all the men below that subgroup (Subaru group?) she’s inexplicably excluded from her list of eligible cocks to suck. There’s definitely some of that magical fucking she’ll never get to experience á la poor sex
. Poor boys just give the best dick. I’m not even going to debate this, all you ladies know that this is the goddamn truth!
These guys have literally nothing else to offer that’s as concrete as their rock hard dicks, veins all filled, stiff and pulsing, unclogged and healthy from all the beer and fatty nyama choma they could never afford to feast on, always standing straight, little eye winking at you begging for a little kiss….*looks around* I swear I wasn’t touching myself!
Now just imagine that Njoki Chege’s brain refuses to let her pussy partake in the delicacy that is the horny poor boy and enjoy it! Yes, she may part her legs for Johnny wa mtaa after reading the paragraph above, but she will not know earth shattering release because her brain, and ultimately the all important nerves in her coochie will reject him because she craves sex in a Range Rover Vogue!
So do not condemn that shallow girl that says she won’t sleep with a man if he doesn’t have a car! Do not tell me that my dry spell is my fault when all my Minx desires is a man that’s in my bed but my brain won’t give up the long distance relationship with a sexy intellectual for nothing!
Our bodies are at war people, some more than others. Organs fighting for supremacy. Boys are lucky, their dicks won the war at the beginning of time. The ‘who to fuck’ decision comes easy to them. Girls are perpetually trying to pick the right outfit from a closet filled with clothes that don’t fit!
Do not mock Njoki Chege, pity her. It is not her fault that you boys prefer your Blue Subarus to her.