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So, this is awkward…

So much has happened since I last wrote. I moved cities, had a bunch of amazing, kinky, sometimes horrible sex with some amazing, kinky, sometimes horrible people… I made out with a girl in front of my family one time when I was really drunk, effectively coming out to them…but that’s a story for another day. Also, I went on a relationship cleanse that I only almost broke twice (Yay!) I’m back however to report that I have been told more than once in the last few months that I have “Golden Pussy” and this before I made their eyes roll back with my amazing mouth and catastrophic tongue. My oral fixation is working out for once (psychology geek reference).

So, it seems you people aren’t doing as good an oral sex job on these men. They have claimed more than once to not be able to cum from getting head alafu they bust that nut in less time than it takes me to say, “You can’t make that claim before you’ve been in my mouth.” I have had a tonne of fun in the last year making some lucky guys happy but as much as my inner slut would love to, I can’t give all the men in Kenya my amazing blowjob…sad as fuck but true. Here are some of my personal DOs and DON’Ts on how to curl your man’s toes and have him drool and speak in tongues while you well, tongue his balls.


  1. Make him give you an orgasm or two (or ten) first: Yes, this may seem selfish and counter-intuitive but believe me, your oral skills get 10 times sharper when you’re sated and eager to reward him for good behavior. Giving a selfish man head will inadvertently involve teeth as Pavlovian punishment, you won’t be able to resist killing his vibe if he insists on putting his sweaty crotch 2 cm away from your nose before dulling your senses with a mind blowing orgasm. 69 works too…
  2. Tell him how much you love his dick: Let’s be honest, like vaginas, penises are beautiful monsters. Their beauty lies on the absurd amounts of pleasure they provide and we absolutely adore their aesthetic because of all the nerve endings they have been blessed with. Only the most secure and sexually liberated of us love how our genitalia look and will proudly present them to a partner without questioning their lack of disgust at our dripping mess, especially at arousal. It’ almost always a bit of a shock that your partner can actually stand to look at your privates, let alone put it in their mouth. You hope against all hope that they will though, even if it’s only out of a sense of obligation. Beggars can’t be choosers. So, when your partner goes out of their way, not just to reassure you but to tell you exactly how much they want to eat you up, it’s an incredible turn on. Tell your partner how gorgeous his dick is and how you can’t wait to taste him. Stroke that ego before you start on the dick.
  3. Know the anatomy:  Women have spent the last 5 decades on this planet bemoaning the fact that men do not know our abdominal anatomy as well as they should. The clitoris and Gspot have become an important part of education on a young adult’s journey to manhood. You must know where to touch and lick your woman to an orgasm or you are politely dubbed a Fuckboy…wait, even Fuckboys give killer orgasms, it’s why women get trapped. I digress…ok. Girls, study that diagram carefully, it is important you know the parts otherwise the rest of the tutorial will be useless. Cool?
  4. Use lots of saliva: I cannot stress this enough. Saliva is your friend, friction is not. One way to produce copious, obsene, insane amounts is to purposefully gag on the dick i.e. let it go much further down your throat than is comfortable till your gag reflex kicks in and you have to stop or you’ll vomit. For whatever medical reasons this stimulates your salivary glands and they go into hyperdrive, producing enough lubricant to power several anal sessions.
  5. Suck on his ballsDON’T pop them into your mouth like juicy marbles. You’re not trying to kill the man. Be gentle, keep your teeth out of it. Roll the tender jewels around your warm, wet mouth using your tongue as you stroke his well lubricated shaft focusing your fingers on the uber sensitive frenulum. Gurgle and hum while his balls are in your mouth. The vibrations feel good (expert level things…)
  6. Swirl your tongue around the head of his cock: It’s the most sensitive area and responds well to this loving attention. Now here’s a little secret that many people don’t know and that I alluded to earlier. The frenulum, that little V shape under his cock head, is mucho sensitive. If you use your tongue to play with it, you’ll be doing your good deed for the day. Likewise his meatus. Flick your tongue along the tip of his penis to get this area. The head of his penis is like your clit. Suck on it, swirl your tongue around it, bob your head up and down with your lips over his head, lick all the areas I just mentioned and you’ll have him gasping for air. Another winner: while you’re sucking and licking his cock head, circle your fingers in an ‘OK’ motion around just the base of his cock. Then, clamping tightly, ‘jerk him off’ in a mini motion of no more than an inch or so. It won’t make him cum, but it’s exquisite.
  7. Give his perineum and anus some sugar: This requires some explanation. If you think that a guy who likes his anus played with or even penetrated is gay or would like to be, you are dead wrong (there are no gay acts only gay people). A man’s anus and surrounding areas are rich with nerve endings. Perhaps, it has been speculated, even more so than a woman’s, and nobody faults her for enjoying anal sex – hell no. When you are licking his balls, if you go down a little further, licking his perineum, the ‘taint’ area between his balls and anus, you’ll be rewarded with lots of moans, groans and heavy breathing. I particularly like applying pressure on this point just before he cums, at that point when his dick starts throbbing just before he spurts. It seems to make his climax more intense.Now, and here’s the dicey part. If you insert a well-lubricated finger, preferably a pinkie, just a little bit into his anus just as he’s about to cum – watch out. He may cum like a fire hose from you massaging his prostate this way. Now this is not something I would surprise him with, in case he feels funny about it. But he won’t feel funny if you don’t! Tell him you know it feels good and that’s what you’re trying to do. Let him know you feel comfortable about it, that there’s nothing the two of you should deny yourselves sexually, and he should be just fine. Which, by the way, brings me to another point for men only: Guys, please, give the lady some courtesy – something to be attracted to. If you’ve had a long, hot day at work, or a great, sweaty workout at the gym, take a hot shower. Scrub the day’s crud off your body before you ask her to swallow it, OK? Get clean, look good, smell good, and you’re fighting a winning battle. If you want to do her a real favor, take a scissors and trim off some of the stray hairs around your cock and balls, carefully. I’m not saying shave the area, although it can be a hell of a lot of fun actually.

I’m just suggesting that you can save her a lot of time picking stray hairs out of her teeth or coughing them out of her throat if you remove some first.

  1. Give him head in different positions: this tutorial is already quite long without me having to repeat something I already wrote comprehensively about.Read 8 Moves To Spice Up Your Oral Sex be creative. Do it in a bed, in the bathroom, stuff your head between his thighs while he’s seated watching news on the sofa…do something different, fresh. 
  2. Swallow!!!!!: Don’t be afraid of cum, it won’t kill you. And it’s fucking 2016! Really? If boys will eat the bumhole like groceries just to make us happy, why won’t you get over the fact that you don’t like how it tastes and just give back for once? Swallow because you’re not a selfish cunt that deserves a 10year dryspell. Also, read Swirl, Gargle, Swallow where FacialKnight tells you why he loves it.
  3. Irrono…just felt good to have 10 points. Hmmm….Look him in the eyes: Give the man a little attention and love, build up the passion a little, engage him in creating the most intimate of sexual memories as you talk dirty and try to suck the cum out of his balls. If he doesn’t buy you flowers afterwards, or dinner, or eats you out like you’re his favorite pizza, you didn’t follow my instructions and you need to go through this again and again.

TERMS AND CONDITIONS: Not For Use On Fuckboys.



FacialKnight, Fantasy, Thriller

Her size 38E Lime Green bra hang on her full breasts, even as she pulled the straps down the sides of her arms. A small giggle escaped her lips, the light caress of the bra fabric against her nipples tantalizing her. She had looked forward to this the whole day, when she would peel off the body-hugging dress and tend to the throbbing that emanated from between her thighs.

She threw the bra on the floor, it landed next to the mountain of clothes that she’d been meaning to wash for the last two days. Sitting on the edge of the bed,she slowly slid her panties down her Rose tattooed thighs. The wet blotch in the panties’ crotch was visible to the eye,evidence of how moist her pussy had gotten. Sandra lay back on her back, her legs spread eagle, giving her fingers access the wet mound. She dipped her middle finger into the honey pot, the wetness greeting her touch as she spread it around her Clit. She did so again, this time much deeper, he finger rubbing her G-spot. She curled her finger and ran it over the small roughness, the sensations racing through her entire being.

With closed eyes and sharp focus on the wet knob between her legs, Sandra’s breath quickened with every motion her fingers made. Small moans filled the stillness of her room. She could feel it rising, that sweet pressure in her pussy,begging for release. She gripped her bedsheet, her other hand trembling in anticipation. Her succulence dripped from her pussy, down in-between her ass cheeks and on to the bed. Sandra’s Orgasm tore through her torso with her hips raised off the bed, her moans now guttural noises, testifying to the pleasure that coursed through her body.

She collapsed in a heap, of satisfied human flesh. Panting, struggling to catch her breath,an effortless smile forming across her lips. The dying embers of her Orgasm seemed to make her legs feel as if they weighed a tonne, rendering her immobile as her bedroom door was flung open by a very tall figure that lunged at her. Sandra’s scream barely made it past her tongue as a strong hand muffled it. In the corner of her eye, she saw the gleam of a knife, nestling just above her left clavicle.

“There, there Sandy. Can I call you Sandy?”

Terror glazed her eyes. He knew her!

“I’ve been watching you, I feel as though we’ve been friends forever. But you’ve been a very, very naughty girl haven’t you?”

Sandra shook her head in desperate disagreement. Her silent cries pleading with her assailant.

“SHUT UP WHORE! I’ve been watching you defile your sweet body. You’ve been fucking them all haven’t you? Phil, Maxwell, Sammy. Oh, you thought I didn’t know? You swallowed Sammy’s seed in your mouth while he was seated in that chair over there”

Tears streamed down Sandra’s face at the realization that she’d been in his crosshairs for a long time. How long had he been watching her? Why was he watching her? Now that he was her, what was he going to do?

“You young girls think you’re so special. Opening your legs to every boy with a hardon, instead of saving it for marriage. Your virginity is supposed to be a gift to your husband, you slut! You don’t deserve a husband, and you’ll never have one”

He moved his hand from her mouth to her neck, choking her firmly.

“ Please,don’t..don’t do this! I’ll give you anything you wa…..”. Sandra’s words got caught in her throat as the large blade was plunged into her rib-cage. In her final moments, she could feel her trachea being crushed under his murderous grip.

Her heartbeat faded, into the stillness of the night. Life slowly draining from her once beautiful eyes.

(3 DAYS LATER,in a news report)

“And in other news, a Woman’s dead body has been discovered in Umoja Estate in what seems to be series of murders being dubbed by the public as The Shaming Killings. The three previous victims have been found in the same manner,disrobed and with the word “SLUT” carved on their stomachs. The DCI couldn’t be reached for comment at this time. And now for the Sports Bulletin”


FacialKnight, Marriage, Real Life Stories, Relationships, Secrets, Twitter Story

I’m having a very hard time getting a Domestic Help for the house. Juggling our jobs, while taking care of the baby and house chores is quite stressful. I am glad I’m in good company, as I found out that many Men out here are also looking for a Domestic worker, they just prefer marrying one.

Seriously dude?

I have serious concerns about this generation. We are the most technologically and academically advanced generation, to date, in  the history of our nation but our Social nous is straight out of the dark ages. Our conscience is in a proverbial sate of Jekyll and Hyde. Capable of tremendous innovation but plagued by an antiquated sense of morality.

It’s quite the puzzle don’t you think? Allow me to explain to you why such a forward thinking generation can be shamefully backward. It  is because we pick and choose what to advance and what to store in the attic along with Cow hides and Magic potions

You see, Kenyans love status. They love anything that gives them an edge over the next person. When someone goes to school and masters their field of study, they are held in high esteem. That’s why we refer to each other in professional terms. Daktari, Wakili, Engineer, Boss. It sets you apart from the rest of the herd, makes you feel special. The same goes for our various cultures. Can you imagine if everyone was made equal in our traditions? No man would ever thump his chest by virtue of what dangles between his legs. There would be nothing to give Men an edge over Women. That is why no matter what postmodern era we are in, people will always gauge a Woman’s inherent value by her ability to carry out domestic tasks. Tasks which, going by our own cultures, are beneath Men.

I remember reading somewhere, that Men  were taught many things, except how to deal with empowered Women. To an extent, this is true, how many times have our Aunties/Uncles asked our Ladies to tone down their overt shows of financial independence all in the name of “Nani atakuoa ukifanya hivo”. Lets not forget the famous Christmas Carol “Bado hujatuletea mtu?”Followed closely by the smash hit “Utaosha aje sufuria za mtu wako ukieka hizo kucha?”

Understand though, the aim of all this demarcation of labour with domestic work being the sole jurisdiction of women, is to safeguard the fragile Male Ego. In relationships, women who give in to this social order do so to avoid heartbreak. You see, there is always a stronger, more handsome, richer Man eyeing your Woman and if you can dull her beauty and power by reducing her to your mboch, then the competition won’t see her. 

“A Man who marries a beautiful Woman, is like the farmer who plants maize by the roadside”

Most Men see it as a matter of inevitability that she will be stolen or taken by a much more deserving Man! The Male ego is a trip!

Ukweli tu usemwe, wa kukuacha,atakuacha. Akue kwa shamba ama Business Class ya British Airways na hakuna kitu utafanya mjamaa.

Taking the above into consideration, don’t you think it’s incumbent upon you fellas, to make sure your Woman is firing on all cylinders? Don’t you want to the world to see that you bagged a sexy as hell bombshell? I love when a Woman is the best version of herself, when she is following her dreams, when she looks and feels her best, when she is truly happy. Men crave the loving of a good Woman, not realizing that what makes her good is meeting her full potential. 

As Men, we need to ditch this archaic bullshit and cultivate relationships based on Honesty, Respect, Understanding and Love because those are the qualities that will outlast any traditional notion you might have.

Now, harusi tunayo!??


Yeah I said it! Waswahili wasema “Mtoto umleavyo ndivyo akuavyo”. Would it be a surprise, if I told you that hakuna aliye tulea? Our fathers were busy plundering loot that they’re answering for now. Most of them were not at home long enough to realize there was a boy in there that needed to learn how to be a man.
 I have many female friends that happen to be single mothers. Each one with a harrowing story behind their current status. Testimonies to the beasts or cowards, Men have become. Though men have always been beastly, the one thing you could admire from our Fathers was their code of honor. If a man impregnated a lady, chances were he’d take care of her, openly or in secret but he’d do his part. How many funerals have you attended where a “New Family” appears to mourn the deceased man? The first Wife learns that her Husband had another family tucked away for decades? The present day boys won’t be in a Woman’s bed long enough for cum to dry, he nuts and boom, arathie akiumaga!
But this cowardly behavior is not restricted to the boudoir, even when men do manage to get into a Marriage or position of responsibility, they manage to fuck the pooch. In Game of Thrones, during the marriage ceremony, you are asked to cover your bride with a cloak. Signifying your protection over her. That is your job in that matrimonial home, a protector. How many Women know where their Men are this very moment? Some go days without seeing their husbands. Sometimes going to look for them at the nearest pub or the small SQ they’ve rented for their clandestine university lovers, to drag him home by the scruff of his lipstick colored neck just so the kids can see their Father. What is a home without its sworn protector? 
I do understand though, why Men tend to run away from responsibility. We have been born into a world we’ve been told we’re the masters of, a world which we have to lead. Leadership is a daunting prospect for many a lilly livered man. I do counter though,  that since we do enjoy the fruits of being men, like being considered for job and promotions, civic leadership, honorary positions, ahead of women, we must also take the bitter parts too. As long as we’ve relegated Women to always been a rung or two under us, we must behave like the Kings of the Hill that we’ve proclaimed ourselves to be.
This means fathering that child, being a husband to that Woman and a proper one at that, no one held a gun to your head to put a ring on it. Treating all women with respect and decorum, they are someone’s Mother or Daughter. If you are unable to do these things, then don’t have unprotected sex if you don’t want kids, don’t get into relationships you can’t manage. You need sex? We have Prostitutes
(Sex work is still work✊)
It really costs nothing to be a decent pile of flesh and bones.
And above all, quit being such a shit nigga, damn! 

Minx, Real Life Story
I can’t really remember my very very first sexual experience with a girl. I can’t remember my first sexual experience period. Just snippets of giggling in dark places as a kid, show me yours I’ll show you mine manenos. I do remember feelings of shame whenever I was caught with a girl. I must have been caught with boys too, but there’s zero guilt associated with those, so of course they didn’t make a mark, and I barely remember those experiences.

The first time I thought, ‘Shit, I might be gay,’ I was 17 and loooooving the feel of some light skin Kiuk girl’s boobs. We’d spent the day bonding AF! I only realized she’d been hitting on me when I woke up, it was a sleepover, and she was trying to get her hands under  my jumper to grab and my nipples. Sigh…

Thing is, I couldn’t be gay. I was into boys. Like really  into boys. So, no I wasn’t gay. And bi is only a thing girls are in campus, right? To impress boys… I decided I would leave all my experimentation to Uni, when it would be considered normal to have sex with girls.

Campus came round and it turned out, it wasn’t really acceptable there either. The shaming still happened, albeit in the form of rumors of who’d been expelled or suspended in high school for being gay. These ones were still shunned in the grown up world. I found myself grateful I’d had a firm ‘no sex in school’ policy (adopted while in a mixed school) that had saved me from this unique form of slut shaming.

I was already considered a whore by those who purported to know me, and the social consequences were damning, but homophobic shaming was on a whole other level that I was sure I didn’t want to take part in. Not to say that I didn’t do my fair share of drunk make out sessions with girls, for the male gaze of course.

The first time I actually had sex with a girl, it was supposed to be a threesome. I hadn’t even considered it. She was gorgeous, skinny (I still had hang ups about being fat dem days), totally out of my league. She was hitting on my friend, they were going to have sex, he knew I was a freak and when the sly opportunist asked if she was game for a threesome and she said an enthusiastic yes, I just went along with it. Woe unto him. 

I knew this was something different immediately we started making out. His exclusion was palpable. Aliambiwa akae kando, then when he went out for a smoke she locked the door behind him. Ha! We fucked for hours!!!! So good. Fuck!

I’d used the word ‘bisexual’ to describe myself before, but it didn’t ring true until that experience. I knew I didn’t want to stop, but I didn’t know where to go next.


Suckers! This is actually an article on how to succeed in life…suck seed, hihihi.

Anyway, back to the booty. Now, all my anal experience upto let’s say, 2015…involved the wrong kind of lube, lotion. There was also this running joke about people who carry baby oil in their handbags… Suffice to say, all my attempts were tragic! I kept tearing and nothing was going in! Fuck! So what was I doing wrong?

Here are all my tips, on how to put a phallic object through one’s anal sphincter successfully. 

1. Lot of The Right Kind of Lube
It has to be water based. Has to be! We cannot continue putting petroleum based products inside delicate tissue membrane and expect to come…cum through it without major tearing, a yeast infection and bacterial sepsis! Please, listen. This is crucial, use lots and lots of water based lube. How should it be used?

2. Prepare Your Bumhole
Now, I’m not here to tell you to wash your booty. This is not a hygiene blog and some of you swing in the most disgusting directions, whew!  This is to tell you to start by putting small phallic objects in there first before your ambitious libido goes straight to the mandingo in your bed. Acclimate your sphincter by first inserting well lubed fingers, one after the other until you’re comfortable with the entire enterprise. Go slowly, si ati ni lazima, you probably have other perfectly functional holes that can be used in the meantime while you teach yourself to enjoy having something moving in and out your bum. 

Preparation also involves getting lube inside your anus. You need it in there, even if you’ve already emptied half a tube of KY onto the penis/dildo, believe me! The thing is super tight, which is why it’s so sexy in the first place, a lot of that lube will be squeezed off of the penis on entry. Itaachwa nje yaani. Get some inside you!

3. Have an Orgasm
If it’s still hella uncomfortable, or even painful, your brain might be getting in the way. You’ve been told it should be painful so your body’s automatic response is to clench. I could tell you, just relax…but that’s stupid. You can body hack by getting an orgasm right before you start trying to penetrate your behind. Orgasmic contractions are very involuntary and so is the post orgasmic relaxation. You’ll be surprised how easily things will slide into your anus once you’re in that orgasmic haze, caring about nothing, remembering zero misconceptions about how painful sexual practices religion forbids conveniently are.

4. Keep it A  Marathon
You don’t have to get it right the first time. You have your butthole with you forever, nah? If a mandingo isn’t going in, try it with someone smaller. Work your way up. Pole pole ndio mwendo.

If you successfully get the head in, please go slowly, si ati you ram it in and go full hardcore on a sphincter! YOU MONSTER! Keep the movements slow until the person under you says either of those magic words “Harder!” “Faster!”

You’ve been edumacated. Go forth and conquer an anus.

The backlash from starting this website…sirizetu, was *whew* tremendous. Did it stop my fucking? Fuck no! Did it stop me writing about all the penis? Yes! And who lost? All of us. But especially me. How?

I used this platform to interrogate a lot of my sexuality as an early adult, as well as to explore what I wanted it to grow into. Writing about all the dick I got and what I wanted to keep doing with it allowed me to see past the veil of shame that patriarchy had so bestowed upon me by virtue of gender, at birth. I saw past it, in my retelling of how things went down, right upto the point it occurred to me that yes, that sexual encounter was rape, that other one was rape too, so was that one and the other one too.

Others saw it to, mostly perpetrators. People around me who had known of these encounters and ‘helped’ me bury the discomfort around them under jokes and witty anecdotes and yes, shame! Victim blaming. It took ages to figure out why so many of my close friends suddenly wanted to ‘save’ me from my sex blog.

Like…wasn’t it good writing? The stats were bomb! I was getting offered writing jobs. What was so damn wrong with it that the social consequences were so harsh. Why was I losing longterm friendships to a sex blog?! I stopped writing.

And then I stopped interrogating my sexual encounters. I talked about the blog, but I stopped discussing the dick. This led straight down the path it was meant to. I became a respectable lil queen. I got stable, non sex related, writing work, someone asked me to marry them, hello more respectability…It was all good till it hit me on my birthday that I was majorly depressed.

My life looked nothing like I wanted it to. My ambitions seemed even further out of reach than they were when I was homeless in Nairobi. I admitted for the first time, under the influence of a lot of red wine, in tears, to myself and my then fiance, that I was a rape victim. #MeToo. Then I proceeded to sleep on the couch because sucker was a victim blaming pig.

Months later, I was out of an admittedly abusive relationship and the rebuilding started afresh in 2017. There was SO MUCH damage! So fucking much! Most of it financial. All the infrastructure I’d put in place had been systematically destroyed by people I had thought were well meaning friends, even while the blog was still running they were actively shutting it down at every turn. Fuck them.

We’re back baby!