Instincts and Money matters

We all know Chris Brown, he of the ‘beat the fuck out of Rihanna’ fame (yes I said it FIDA! Sue me). Well Chris has a new hit single ruling the airwaves entitled Loyal. In this song he stresses that “these hoes ain’t loyal” meaning that no man should trust any female and all that all these “hoes” are after is money “when a rich nigga want ya and your man can’t do nothing for ya”. What is that girls? All of you are appalled? You say Chris is misogynistic? That this song should be taken off the airwaves because it perpetuates negative patriarchal stereotypes about women? Well according to a certain Dr. Helen Fisher, y’all should just shut the fuck up, because Chris Breezy is right! Dr. Fisher is a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University (meaning she knows more about you than you do) and her study had led to her believe that women are genetically designed to search for a man with resources.
Cro-magnon, the ultimate man! Ladies, I'm him...hey hey! Come slowly!

Cro-magnon, the ultimate man! Ladies, I’m him…hey hey! Come slowly!

We are all animals, and what is the most basic of animal instincts? Survival. Because mother nature is one bored b**** she made it the ultimate ‘Amazing Race’ competition. Survival here is for the fittest and no one but. Before, in the age of cromagnon, it meant being a fast runner that was able to tear off the head of a mammoth and feed it’s roasted entrails to his family on a fire he’d made after carrying molten magma with his bare arms from the top of the nearest volcano. These men did this willingly as we can tell from the fact that they got pussy and we’re here, their descendants. Today, a man with money is insurance for any female that plans on bringing forth offspring, for they shall be well catered for, they will survive. Food, water, health, education. Not only will these children survive, with money, they will thrive! So will their children. Her gold digging ways will ensure her genetic line survives several hundred years. That is why women love rich men. It’s instinctive of them to want the best for their children. The best comes with money. The conflict of interest arising from this is that men are hot wired to bust a nut and be on their way in most cases. They have a need to sow their wild oats in cunts far and wide. It’s natures way of ensuring variation, a throwback to the days when our animalistic nature couldn’t distinguish mother and sister from ‘pussy that needs boning’ during the mating season. Children from different fathers mating, would greatly lessen the chances of weak offspring. Men just do not want to settle. The more the money, the more likely we are to stray, because in the words of the great Dave Chappelle, “Bitches be throwing it at you like frisbees”. Settling? It’s against our very nature! In contrast, if a woman can find a way to tie down Mr. Money bags, she will. And women are crazy competitive. None of that money will go to any offspring of his that didn’t come from her womb. Explains the many instances of rich men with countless children out there, but only willing to account for the ones they have with a recognized spouse.Too many single mothers out there because women won’t share. It’s not so hopeless though, women tend to view a child as a means to tie down a man, and nowadays the courts agree with them. With the current Family laws, this has become quite the tether. So what does this mean for the not so well to do brothers among us? Does this mean you will never get laid? That you will never have your scrotum licked because you don’t own a yacht? Lucky for you, that’s not likely. The numbers are in our favour. Too few rich men out there for all the gold diggers among us. However, you will have to be restless in the knowledge that any rich man will probably take his pick of any girl you want, should he so feel like it. Use her and throw her back to you as he pleases. I can see ladies’ mouths open, aghast at that last statement! Simmer down! I’m not saying anything that’s not already happening. Y’all are rachet and you know it! Yes, all of you. Don’t worry though, it’s just instinct. Like Chris said “when a rich nigga wants ya, and your man he can’t do nothing for ya… Oooh, these hoes aint loyal” Admit, that is some catchy shit!