Secrets

Penis For Your Thoughts

This conversation takes place from  9am – 10am between myself and Peter Penis. “Hey dude! Wake up! I’m always up before you everyday. This is getting old ” I struggle to open my eyes. ” Peter, you always wake up before me ever since we were kids. You’re a penis so that’s kind of in your job description ” He looks at me. ” I might be a penis, but you’re a dick. You need to give me a bath after yesterday’s party. I still smell like your wife’s girlfriend, Vanessa Vagina” “I thought you liked Vanessa? ” ” I do but it’s not working out. I’m going to give her the whole ‘it’s not you its me’  speech later on today” I am now fully awake. “Don’t you dare Peter! You’re not ruining things with wify and I just because you have commitment issues ” ” Man grow up! Of course you are defending Vanessa, you two are related. Tell me  when you are going to the Pussy family reunion. She even has a mustache like you. And by the way, tell your wife to shave that damned afro on Vanessa. This isn’t the 70s bitch ” ” No way! I’m not broaching that subject! ” ” Nigga please! Grow a pair! ” I look at Peter with a raised eyebrow. ” I do have a pair. You’re attached to them Peter” “I meant grow another pair because these don’t seem to be serving you too well. How the fuck are you going to let your best friend wade through the Amazon rain forest just to get to some pussy!? You’re a cold hearted muthafucka man. ” ” Ok! Ok! I’ll talk to her. But if she gets mad she will punch you Peter” “Let that Bitch try! I wish she would. Next time I’m in there stroking Vanessa I’ll throw up on the bitch in a minute. See how she likes that shit.” “Simmer down Peter we aren’t throwing up in a minute. You know damn well, we’re usually in there for an hour ” ” I know nigga, we some bad muthafuckas!” ” Yeah we are!!!” ,*Fist bump* We go take a shower. Peter is using up all the Shower gel. ” Peter, you do know this shit costs a fortune right? ” ” It’s not my fault you’re a broke ass nigga. Fuck outta here with that poverty nonsense. I better be clean if you want me to be licked tonight. And by the way, how come we never see Tabitha Tongue nowadays!? Did she move or what” I try to change the subject. “Crazy weather we are having right? We’re taking a scarf today ” Peter exhales. ” What did you do this time.? You fucked up didn’t you? You probably told wify she’s gained a few pounds that’s why she won’t lick me ” ” Actually It wasn’t me. It was you. She said that every time Tabitha Tongue hugged you, you threw up and she doesn’t like your vomit” “That whore said what? Of course I vomit! Molly Mouth and Tabitha Tongue are pretty persuasive when it comes to that dialogue. Haha I said ‘come’..And anyway, If she doesn’t want to lick me, lets find someone else who will ” ” We aren’t looking for anyone else Peter. We  are just going  to… ” ” Going to what you spineless douche! Let’s find someone else. Lisa at the office has been checking you out the whole week! Have you seen Angelina ‘s ass! I’d love to say hi to her ass hole. Might get a bit nasty but as you can see I have a lot of shower gel ” ” No. We aren’t going to have anal with Angelina. Wify might find out ” ” Well excuse me Milady, I wasn’t aware you were ovulating. There’s an app for synchronising your period with your wife, shall I get it for you? Fucking pussy” “So I’m a pussy for wanting to remain faithful to my wife? ” ” Nigga this isn’t shower talk! How the hell are you talking about fidelity to another nigga while in the shower? Are we gay man? I’m i going to find myself in Anthony’s asshole man? Should i wear glitter now?” ” Peter you’re such a prick” “Where’s a mirror, lemme see. Last time I checked I was still a prick” We  get out of the bathroom, and head to the bedroom to get ready for work. “Which boxer do you want today Peter. The red plaid or the blue plaid? ” ” The fact that you make me wear plaid boxers is what’s wrong in this relationship. We aren’t fucking Irish man! Next thing, you’ll want me to put on a kilt. Get me some black ones. I want to look like Batman” “Batman. Really Peter? ” ” What, you have a problem with that Catwoman? Get me some damn black boxers. I’m tall and I have the physique to carry the look” “You’re 8 inches tall and you have one eye Peter. Batman doesn’t look like that. ” ” Screw you man! You just had to step on my dreams like that? Fuck what you say, Lupita said my dreams are valid. You just made me emotional man. This is some 30yrs a slave shit” “Ok, I’m sorry. How can I make it up to you? ” ” Get me some new porn. Something like AssParade, or Prince of aLabia. And not that silicone bullshit like the girl has been bitten by the Godzilla of the bee kingdom. Some natural Colombian shit. Yeah, yeah Colombian. ” ” I thought you liked Brazilian booty” “I did, but after they got anally drilled by Germany in the World  Cup, it got a bit awkward jerking off to them. I was like, they already had enough sex, I wasn’t going to add to that orgy” “That’s very considerate of you Peter” “I try man, I try. So we have a deal? ” ” Yeah, sure. Colombian porn it is” We dress in our Batman boxers and head off to work. “Hahaa. Peter, I said Head! Hahaha” *Fist bump*