Plundering The Totem

Sex must be the creation that God is most proud of. For Him, it must be like when you pour wax on ants and watch to see how they will react. Then He laughs, and laughs, and laughs at the contortions of not only our loins, but our hearts and the very depths of our souls. We ache and arch to experience it.  An insatiable hunger that consumes us whole. It is this thing that most drives us. Wars have been fought and won in the pursuit of the not so elusive, pussy. This was one sadistic creation. American Pie, the movie (if you haven’t watched it go back to your homework kid or we’ll tell your mother). The scene where Stifler breaks into a sorority house and gets busted by two girls and they have to pretend they are lesbians, that is the scene I first ever jerked off to. At some point in the scene I heard the word “wank”, and it was as goon an instruction as any other to unzip my pants, take it out and proceed move my cock around like a baby’s shaker (my idiocy knows no bounds). So there i was, shaking away at my penis, wondering how on earth this was supposed to be erotic, hen it hit me! I’d just mimic the motions made when having sex only this time the vagina would be my hand. Et voila! Magic! The friction felt like it was awakening a beast from its slumber. I could feel something bubbling under, and when that Sorority sister touched her friend’s breasts, off my seed shot into the air! Houston, we have lift off. There are reasons for pleasuring yourself.  Sometimes its a means of relieving sexual tension, it’s also a good way tolearn how to pace and control yourself during sex. Most people though, do it just because it feels too damn good! I did it then because I was a young impressionable boy with an erection. Simple really. I find it very peculiar that masturbation remains an awkward subject. If someone found you having sex for instance, they would tell you later to make sure you locked the door next time (unless it was your mother that walked in on your naked ass). If they found you jerking off however, they would never look you in the eye again! They’d avoid shaking hands too…for some reason. Nothing screams self adoration more than getting yourself off.  You are a beautiful being, worthy to be made love to and if no one is willing to lay their genitals at your altar, then just hop into the shower and rub one out! You do it! I do it! Hell, I bet even the Pope does it! (I know hell is calling, no need to remind me) Jerking off has been accredited to reducing the risk of prostate cancer, creating a general feeling of well being and improving ones mood and is thus a great stress reliever. Stress being attributed to being the world’s number one killer, how is this wrong again? The scripture asks us to love thy neighbor as you love yourself, all I am asking you to do is,to love the hell out of yourself. After all, would God have created hands just long enough to cradle the totem if he didn’t want us to…ahem…plunder it?

My totem, like always, has wings…flies me to heaven on the regular