Secrets

Post Pregnancy Puss (PPP)

My mum and aunties were never shy about sharing their childbirth horror stories with me, they are, in fact, embedded right in there with some of my earlier childhood memories. Along with skipping rope and learning my abc’s comes talk of back aches and feeling like your vagina is tearing into two. Suffice to say that when my turn came about a year and a half ago, I was a huge pain in the you-know-where to my obgyn and his nurses. A med student with talkative aunts, I was what they delicately call in the scientific circles, ‘a much know’. Immediately the baby popped and I was being stitched up though, I realized that there was one thing I did not know: Would it ever be the same, down there? I loooove my minx. My sexual partners before loved her too (don’t let the ‘s’ fool you, it was one at a time…mostly :-P). She was sooo pretty and tight and ravenous!!! Couldn’t get enough. Was my P, after pushing out a 2.6 kg baby and tearing a little, going to go back to it’s normal pre pregnancy state? I asked my doctor and he gave me the standard medical answer: The vagina is elastic and is designed to bounce back after child birth, tighter if any tears are stitched up properly, in fact, in some cases , the sex is better. Was this true for me? Well, no. Not for a really long time. A friend of mine asked how soon after, I had sex, and I told her, about 8 months. She was shocked! Why? She asked, hadn’t she started doing it at week 2 and was fine? Well, at first the whole area was really sore, then I healed and I just didn’t feel like it. I hadn’t known this lack of libido since I was 4 (I was a horny child :-/ ). I was worried! So I prowled the mighty Google in search for information. There was loads! You know the rest, I was tired from the pregnancy and effort of birth and the baby had to be fed every two hour so I wasn’t getting enough sleep. All this could be helped and in a few weeks I’d adjusted and wasn’t so blue anymore. There was however, one thing I couldn’t fix, and it caused me no end of worry. I learned that hormones a bitch! You’re happy all the time, dancing around with your little one singing like a Disney princess; this is the oxytocin and dopamine high nature gives you so that you don’t eat your poopy, screeching bundle of cuteness, and this is technically a good thing. Technically because, a happy, self satisfied woman, with a child does not need sex and her body will make sure she doesn’t want it. An evolutionary mechanism to avoid your happy go lucky knobs from implanting a sibling that’d take away nourishment from a newborn. Her “panua miguu” hormone disappears for a while 🙁 . No sexy hormones were coursing through my veins until almost a year passed. I even went to my doctor who gave me news almost as tragic as Wamalwa’s nose! He said it was normal and I should begin to worry after 2 years. 2 freaking YEARS!!! What. The. Fuck. 2 full years? TWO! Mbili! This monkey was not happy! I tried everything!!! Porn; I had a 50GB collection by the time I realized it wasn’t working. Wanking, nothing. Phone sex, zilch! Skype sex, zero. My sex drive was nil and my only recourse was to wait. It came back with a bang! Not literally though…One day, I was just seated watching telly, a hot guy came on and I felt it…a little tingle, down there. I squeezed my legs like “Is that you little clit? Are you back?” She was! I was ecstatic and rubbed one out in welcome. Minx was back and we were going to paint the town red!(Ok, again, not literally, that’d be disgusting) I was wrong though, my sexual misadventures were not over…