Secrets

Showers And Soapy Matters

For the record, the idea for this post came from a girl-pal of mine who’s very curious as to how people in this depraved world of ours conduct their bodily cleansing (yes Luos, you can steal that). Being the good, caring and highly understanding friend that I am, I didn’t question her motives for this. I did not wonder for what purpose she needed the information I’m about to extol. I tried not to worry that she might be developing unhealthy fetishes and might be using me to feed her baser needs. That said, here’s what I got for you Lydia* (*names may or may not have been changed). I started with Lydia herself. ME: Enhe, so how do you shower? LYDIA: Ummm….I start with my face, then neck, then my arms, ummm….then my stomach…then ummm…the rest, hehehe. My thoughts, she bypassed the boobies mammaries??! Next. ME: I have a weird question. DAN2: You always have weird questions. ME: What do you mean always? I ask normal ones…sometimes… Ah! Forget that one, will you just listen. Sawa? How do you shower? DAN2: Ati what? ME: How do you shower? As in process… DAN2: Why do you want to know? Don’t answer that. Hmmm….I think I start with my tummy then spread. ME: Upwards or downwards? DAN2: Downwards…does it matter? Me: *raise one eyebrow* think. DAN2: What?…oh…oh…bana, no, it’s not like that… ME: hahaha, oh really?! LIZ: Sema sweety. ME: Sasa dear, I have a question. LIZ: Uh-oh… ME: Ghai! Kwani? LIZ: Sweety, is this another theory? ME: Aki, kwani I have how many theories…wacha tu, we’re wasting my cred. How do you shower? LIZ: Ati how do I shower? Why on earth do you need such info? Why would I tell you something like that? Wewe msch… ME: Your answer is vital to my research on a possible cure for AIDS…ANSWER! LIZ: Mscheew! Sawa, I start with my face, then…hmmm…my armpits (????? wtf?!) then my legs and go upwards to everywhere else. Happy? ME: No, just puzzled. Thanks lakini. Talk to you soon. LIZ: Stop calling only when you need to ask weird questions. Random bather….very confused person. ME: Wewe, stop fantasizing about Lydia showering. It’s your turn. Start talking. DAN1: I wasn’t… ME: You were. I saw your tongue doing that thing you do when you’re about to get an awkward boner.. DAN1: I was licking my lips. ME: Exactly! Answer the question. DAN: Ok, I wash my face first. LYDIA: Then…? DAN1: Then what? ME: He’s trying not to say that after the face he soaps ‘there’. LYDIA: Hahaha yeah…and after ‘there’? DAN1: Let’s change the subject. ME: Hehehe, who said there’s an ‘after there’? By the time he finishes ‘there’ people are pounding the bathroom door. Hahaha! DAN1: Hehehe something like that… ME: So it’s face then ‘there’ then you’re out? LYDIA: Eeeew!!! And you hugged me!!!! I’ve been touching you all this time…!!! My thoughts…there had to be a reason why he’s that dark. ME: So Self, how do you shower? SELF: Well, I start with my boobs. You and I both know that their cleanliness is vital to the health of my offspring. ME: I so agree. Then, on that note, next should be wherever else is important to producing healthy children? SELF: Hehehe true…I’m thinking I should try Dan’s method. ME: 😀 My thoughts exactly! *winks* let’s go take a shower.