Secrets

So, ABOUT NUDES….

I get the ‘guys are idiots for visual aid’ thing but the nudes craze is extremely out of hand! I keep bitching that dudes don’t even do casual internet sex anymore. It’s all “Hi, my name is _______, can we whatsapp, yeah, nudes?” All the f****** time! What happened to the good old “Hey, I like your internet persona, can our genitals get acquainted real quick?” That was soooo romantic. It was a quick easy way to get laid. No one cared that you were catfish. All people wanted then, was to bone your internet self, not introduce you to friends and family….and by that I mean, share pics of your nethers with friends and family (cousins, siblings, the occasional uncle and very rarely, an awkward dad). In the ancient internet past that’s 2012/2013, humans over the internet actually met to share bodily fluids before proceeding to tarnish each others ‘stellar’ reputations on social media. I can’t for the life of me understand how sms relationships over whatsapp escalate and we get swamped with pictures of gigantaur of the tyre movement. As a member of the fat community I’d like to point out that nobody, not even us, likes to look at things that aren’t finely cut. Cellulite is as welcome during sex as a foothold while rock climbing. Stability is important during coitus, to keep the rythm steady. Curves are awesome to hold onto but to look at? Very rarely. Frankly I got over nudes when Shebesh’s came out. I was all no no no, apana!!! I’m not indulging any more little boys if grown ass men can’t keep nudes to themselves. It’s a wrap boys. I’m recycling nudes from now on. I figure that they’ve been doing the rounds anyhow, one more pair of balls – eyeballs, couldn’t hurt.