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Minx, Twitter Story
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On a recent episode of Scandal, resident heroine, Olivia Pope, went toe to toe with her Father who happens to be a feared spy master. Her Father, with all his vast resources and the support of the United States Government behind him, could not match his daughter. She stood up to him and told him, “I have weapons at my disposal you couldn’t possibly imagine” The weapon in question is the tempestuous affair she has with the President. With one phone call to her Democrat lover, Olivia managed to convince him to make a decision, that put the President in direct conflict with her Father. The fate of the nation, was decided by a woman’s promise, of possible sex. Sounds stupid? Probably, but not if you’re a man! I don’t mean to portray men as helpless, sexually wanton idiots, but we kind of are. If a man knows there’s a possibility that he is going to open the thighs of his object of desire, see that lovely rose gleaming at the petals with wetness. That he is going to dip his dick in this elixir of pleasure and abandon, while looking at her face to see the ecstasy glazed on her eyes. The moment he knows that, mountains become molehills in his quest to accomplish that. History is littered with instances where passion played this part. History might as well have been written on the lips and folds of pussy! Adam and Eve, we all know how that went. The war of Troy, was fought over the beautiful Helen of Troy, the face (more like ass) that launched a thousand ships. Samson and Delilah, the girl started the first Kinyozi, but for very murderous reasons. David and Bethsheba, Solomon and his 900 concubines, the list is endless. Pussy is God’s longest running practical joke on mankind. We are told he created us in his image. If we are created in the image of the most powerful being in the Universe, it makes sense that he would’ve created a fail-safe, a kill-switch so that we, marauding monkeys that we are, wouldn’t destroy his creation. He did create one, pussy. If we are in possession of such an astounding weapon, what have we done with it, that can be left as a legacy to future generations? Well, let’s ask the holders of the weapon. Let’s see now, countless abortions, fucking dogs for porn, participating in 100 men one pussy orgies (yes, that happened), exchanging pussy for Guarana or cab fare from the club, going to raves and becoming pregnant without knowing who the father is. The more evolved ones, use birth control at least, but only when it suits them. If it’s more profitable to get pregnant, they will. To fleece a man of material wealth, or imprison a married man. The most powerful instrument on earth, and they use it so that they don’t have to pay fare in the Umoinner. The reason, sex is so powerful, is because women are born nurturers. They were given the ability to create something out of nothing, nurture it to full maturity, then go on and do it all over again. The reason this world is in such a muddle, is because we relegated the woman to the kitchen. When men took control, women had to have their say, and it was through the only thing men can’t live without, sex. So it has become a currency, that comes into use whenever a woman needs something that at the moment, only a man can give her. A nd this happens a lot! The reason women haven’t changed the world with this power, is because they find it hard to rally behind each other. Jealousy and envy are their worst enemies. They imagine that the next woman will have a higher position than them, and that becomes the point where they vote for the male competitor. I don’t need to drive this point home, look at our political landscape and the female players are more often than not, nominated. I assure you right now, were women given the task to end world hunger, we’d all be obese. Just look at the work or regal First-Lady had put into ending the Maternity mortality rates. So impressive is her work that she received an award from the UN. Often have my friends remarked that they would’ve voted for her, had she run for the highest seat in the land. You could burn all the guns in the world, destroy all the nukes in all the silos and disband all militia in war-torn countries, but if you can’t destroy pussy (pun intended) you would’ve been better served twiddling your thumbs and singing Kumbaya. It is a double-edged sword that carves out its marker either with blood or royal ink. The world is clitoris shaped, we just need to convince these ladies to rub it the right way.
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I have been told that I fap too much by concerned friends. No, they didn’t do it intervention-style, but they would have if they knew each other no doubt. Aye, alcoholics out there, the best way to avoid an intervention is if your friends and family never meet each other. Hii mambo ya introductions muachie the sane, drug free, non addiction prone members of our society. So, back to my nether activities. Well, for those who haven’t been paying attention, I only learned the joys of diddling my nubbin in a few months ago. Don’t get me wrong, I already knew what an orgasm was, and not just from the Mills And Boon stories of my youth. No, a flesh and very hot red blooded male from my past decided to ruin sex with lesser mortals for me about two years ago. His extensive foreplay, lots of vodka and not so substantial equipment, made me see stars. I had the universe behind my eyelids for what felt like a fleeting second but he says I was down for almost a minute, shaking and making sounds he describes as a cross between that laughter that comes from deep within the stomach, and the crying of paid Luo mourners. I couldn’t even be embarrassed. I’d just experienced heaven and I was obsessed with recreating that sensation. Years later, I have given up on the male species. None can recreate that feeling but he who induced it that first time… Yes, I did it with that guy again and no, he didn’t make me cum. With that evidence in hand, I concluded that Eros possessed him that day. The charm, the care, the absolute romanticism of that day, no, it could not be the work of a human. Only a god can make you see heaven. Logic people! Logic! So, until Eros possessed some man out there and ravages me once more, heaven was barred to me. I became celibate. This year, Aphrodite, my Minx’s personal god, felt it good that I learn to pleasure myself. And so it became. My clit for some reason gained about a billion nerve endings and man was I grateful!!! One random day reading through Literotica and feeling myself up without expectation I experienced an intense heat in the pit of my stomach that made me moan like an animal! I was shocked! I wanted more. So I did it again, that light touch across my extremely engorged clit that made colours spin and my legs tremble. A few more and my world shattered. It was magic! Well, months later and I now know that there’s a few types of orgasms out there. There’s the little ones where your pussy tingles and the sensation travels as far as your knees. There’s the medium ones that cause you to tremble all over a little bit and last for about 10 seconds (yes, I have the discipline to time them, for science, for you!) And there the huge ones! These are the kind that make your legs weak and if you’re unfortunate enough to experience them while standing, well, you’ll be very acquainted with the floor when you’re done writhing around in absolute wanton pleasure. One big one actually made me cry…a little. It was one tear! I had a mini black out and when I came to my cheek was wet. It was surprising but that’s one of the best I’ve ever had. I’ve squirted FYI, it was once, at the beginning of my experimentation, and I had done an insane amount of research over the internet on how to make myself do it. 90% of the blogs were written by men: How To Make Yourself Squirt by Some Man. smh. I’d totally get it if the guy was telling other men how to make their woman squirt but noooo, he’s of the balls decides to educate women on their bodies. It’s like a woman writing: Scrotun Care; A Complete Guide On How To Scratching Your Balls. Absolute nonsense! One lady wrote an awesome guide on squirting and as soon as I duplicate my first result I’ll definitely give you the lowdown on that. My fapping adventures continue though. I can’t stop now! I’m basically a teenage boy right now. My 15 year old ‘penis’ won’t let me stop touching it. Besides, Aphrodite and Minx have given me the gift of orgasm, it may not be heaven but it would be rude to throw it back in their faces and stop fapping. So, I’ll keep diddling my kambosho thank you very much! Feel free to call me an addict. All I am is a girl in love with her pussy.
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afrisex3 Let me taste you, just a little. But you are tasting me. I like it so very much I want more. You can’t have it all at once. You’ll dieย  of awesomeness poisoning, and we can’t have that. Ha ha ha! Ok. I’ll bite ๐Ÿ˜€ No, I’ll nibble. Nibble away, baby. Slowly….. Slowly. Put it here. *Puts it there.* A lick and it’ll go even slower. A lick where? Wherever you want it. Behind my ear. I’ll lick it then blow gently into the wet spot. Your turn. Where do you want this tongue to play? On my lips. Touch them with just the tip. Just the tip of… what? Your tongue. Alright, let’s start with that. So, I run my tongue gently along your lips. What do they taste like… Honey and pepper. Then you… I part them slightly and the tip on my tongue tastes yours a little before I shut my lips again. You taste of nuts and cream. I pull you closer, close enough to fell your heart thumping through your chest. I inhale you, then I bite your lower lip… I sigh out loud and you take advantage of my parted lips and kiss me deeply. I wrap my arms around your torso and push myself up, into you. I grab your arse, hard, and kiss you full-on your moist supple lips. I can feel you hardening against my front. I bite your lower lip and widen my legs a little… Soft flower, ready flower, I can feel her pulsating moisteness. She is ready. I can barely remember our clothes coming off… She is ready, that heady musk hits my brain like a train. *LONG INTERMISSION* Sorry, phonecall. Oh timber. I call timber. Warm, strong, poised. Iron. Ready for me. Heated. Rhythmic. Pulsating in time with my fleshy folds.   afr ero   Heaven, this is what it is. Hell, these thirsts seem unquenchable. Are you the one to sate me, free me in your chains? Can you find satisfaction with one intent on increasing the depth of your longing? Can you be sated? Because I never want you to feel sated so long as you’re intent on invoking this deep, heated… Can satisfaction come from an increase in hunger? Isn’t that we’re here? To figure that out? What if we never do? What if… What if… What if… What if we do? What if we do and it’s all boring from then henceforth? We love or we learn. Forever doesn’t have to happen but we can search for it. Even a slice of it is more than many people will ever experience. As I said, perfect :-* :-* :-* Perfect is flawed. Beautifully. Painfully. Give me the beauty, give me your flaws, give me all your ugly and your insane. All the rage and your pain. I can find light all on my own. It’s your darkness that I want. You’ll have it. I used to run away from myself and it’s tiring. This is me. Warts and desires and dreams and fears. Thank you, for sharing myself with you. Ha ha, I should thank you. I can be naked with you. And you have been naked with me. I think there’s space enough for both of us to be thankful. afrhm What are you afraid of? You’ve been so busy thinking of all sorts of kinky things to do with me you’ve forgotten ๐Ÿ˜‰ Ha ha ha, no. You’re afraid of disappointing your parents. What else? I’m scared of not doing anything with my life, of being a loser, of failing to live up to my potential. What are you afraid of? I’m afraid of being forgotten. Of never accomplishing anything life changing, not for me but for others. I want to be remembered a thousand years from now. I’m afraid of death, of loss in general. I’m a hoarder of souls. I don’t like to let go. These last two, I can relate to. I hate losing friends. I can’t imagine that all that emotion expended was for nothing. I know! Have you ever been at a point in your life where things just seem so undecipherable and nothing seems to be working? And then one thing or one relationship males sense and works? Then you find yourself grasping at it and the harder you grasp, the more it slips? Yeah, in my last relationship. That’s what it was like at the end. School and life in general. Nothing makes sense any more and trying to unravel it all….. When everything’s going wrong and you’re clinging to just that one relationship, it’s probably the reason everything is wrong in the first place. I agree. But what if there’s nothing to grasp? Like you’re floating in a vacuum? You let yourself float then the universe gets a chance to decant you from the mess of a life that’s not meant for you. Haven’t we floated long enough? Yes, but this fluid we’re in isn’t as viscous as the last. I’m finding it easier to navigate, to ground myself. I’ve never felt more lost. You’re a stranger and I’m baring it all to you. You can only find something after you’ve lost it. Maybe it’s because you’ve been waiting for me, you don’t sound like a stranger at all. It does feel strange, to some degree, after a lifetime of wearing masks. ….And that’s one hell of a pick-up line. Smooth ๐Ÿ˜‰ Is it scary? Thank you ๐Ÿ˜‰ Not any more. What does one really have to lose, being completely honest and open? The best interactions are based on this, so it’s a great place to start. I wish I could see your face as you say these things. Just to witness the intensity of all these revelations. Very few people can stand this intensity. Are you sure you’re ready? I’m not just ready, I’ll match you heat for heat, emotion for emotion, promise for promise. Let’s dance, let’s dalliance too. I like that. No. I love it. Give me more. Slowly, mami, slowly… I’m impatient for you ๐Ÿ™ Show me, how do you look today? Scruffy, like the writer stereotype :-/ I have a thing for writers. They have a thing for you too ๐Ÿ˜‰ There’s only one I’m interested in ๐Ÿ˜‰ *blush* Evening walk. Catch you in a bit. Keep your panties on. I didn’t wear any ๐Ÿ˜‰ images-2
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Transcription Eh! Ona diugaga kuoguo keino reke gwire. Nie mudu rume ucio wakwa diue kuria arutire experience. Nwona kang’ura, anyogaga ginya gamwira ambe areke thugume. Akajira, “Thuguma.” Ngai! Niuruo nie ginya akijikaga gaita. Niwona nudu urio arume maitaga ukaigwa niwaita, niarelax? Nitakimake arajikaga gaita. Noo ucio niwe mudurume arajikire diraita. Izi zingine dirathishagwo oo thishwo. Yes, nidorokaga gaigwa direda guthishwo. No, tanya mudurume ucio niwe aratumire jiite! Niwona uno arume maito kagwo, akahana taa akuo? Mii namwaganga, Ngai! noo ucio mudurume niwe oratumire. Ni ma ghai! Suzie nakwambia, huyo mwanaume alikuwaananitomba! Sema kutombwa! Dirakwira arafu, twatwa niguthishana, todo niarakimenya ka nie muti nidiwedete, hapo dii wet, nake ee wet, uria uriragia tumae… akaba akauhututhia mahaha kang’ura iguru, akauthigithia kang’ura-ini! Gaaaai! Nie daiguaga taa gumia! Ginya muiritu ucio neiba twareganatie neiba wakwa ee, aki— ajire “Maa Shiro! Nie ma! Uria uratumire — jike. Uratumire ginya uratuma jite mudurume wakwa, naniturahitanitie, diramualika, oke nyuba, niguo tuthishane, kotodo murashinare diraga toro!” Ghai! Ucio mudurume arathicaga, taiga guthicana. Ghai! We tiga urauga uhoro wa kuogwo, nie aranyogaga gaita! Niwaugaga guita! Wewe! Ha! Ginya naniwatuma jokie, Gai Mwathani! Ria igiruta muti ku? Translation to: Kiswahili/Sheng’: Eh! Kunyonywa pussy! Wacha nikuambie! Huyo mwanaume wangu, sijui alitoa wapi experience. Unaona clit? Alikuwa ananinyinya hadi namwambia aniwache nikojoe. Ghai! Alikuwa ananifanya hadi namwaga. Unaina vile mwanaume humwaga hadi unaona amaerelax? Mimi alikuwa ananifanya hadi namwaga. Hizo zingine ilikuwa tu kufanywa. Yees, nilikuwa nakua horny na naskia nataka kufanywa tu na huyo mwanume aliyenifanya nimwage. Unaona vile wanaume hucum anakaa kama amakufa? Mimi namwaganga na huyo mwanaume ndio hunifanya hivyo. Suzie nakwambia, huyo mwanaume alikuwa ananitomba! Sema kutombwa! Tukiamua nikufuck, juu anajua mimi napenda mti, sasa unaona yeye ako wet na mimi niko wet, vile inalilisha tumaji…kwanza anasongesha juu kwa clit, alafu anairub kwa clit! Ghaaai!!! Mimi huskia ni kama nitakunya! Hadi jirani ananiita kuniambia, “Aki Shiro! Wewe! Vile ulinifanya nifanye! Ulifanya niite mwanaume wangu na tulikuwa tumekosana, nikamwalika kwa nyumba ndio tufuck! Kwa sababu mlifuck nikashindwa kulala!” Ghai! Huyo mwanaume alikuwa ananifuck, sema kufuck! Wacha wewe unasema mambo ya kunyonywa, alikuwa ananinyonya namwaga! Sema kumwaga! Ha! Mpaka umenifanya nikuwe horny Ghai! Sasa nitatoa mti wapi?    
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Her shoes were killing her. But Loboutins were worth the death of your heel. The walk to the bed was a slow sashay of the hips, as if performing to a silent orchestra. She loosened the belt of her knee-length trench-coat, then let it drop to the floor with one shrug of her supple shoulders. Standing there, nude, statuesque, she could feel his eyes, like hot coals, boring into her back. She smiled to herself. She knew his eyes paid special attention to her plump butt-cheeks. Her ass was like two huge scoops of ice-cream, so perfectly round and creamy he could only imagine what they’d taste like on his tongue. The contour from her hip, to her thighs, those thick and succulent thighs, was at the moment threatening to send him over the rails. He maintained his cool and walked towards her, his dick hard, pulsating in his boxers, eager to taste the morsel that stood before it. afrhmm He grabbed her shoulders from behind, pulling her closer to his chest. She was enveloped in his muscular arms, aching to lose herself in his embrace. She spun round on her heel to face her Adonis. He was beautiful, she thought to herself. She couldn’t wait to cup that handsome face with her thighs and let him taste her already dripping centre. With his left hand, he pulled her close by the waist, and with his right he lifted her chin up closer to his mouth. When their lips met, the velvet touch of his tongue sent soft tremors through her body, straight down to her moist pussy. He leaned into her, making her backtrack, falling down down down until the obstacle that was the bed, hindered any more movement. She didn’t stay down for long and sat up as soon as her back hit the covers. His wry smile, beckoned her to unbuckle his belt and pull down his denim pants. His dick jutted out, as soon as his boxers were removed. It pointed at her. She tried to hide her astonishment but her face was awash with excitement. It wasn’t threateningly huge, but it was big. She looked up at him and smiled. With her eyes still fixed upon his, she opened her mouth, and took him in. Suckling justย  the knob at first, before engulfing him whole, until he felt the back of her throat wrapped gently around the head of his dick. She did this all the while suckling his shaft with her soft tongue. She could see his eyes glaze over with ecstasy with every bobbling motion her head made. He knew he couldn’t hold back much longer, he was about to explode into her mouth. He pulled out, just as the sensations threatened to overwhelm him. Gently holding her head, he laid her down and parted her thighs, kneeling so that his lips were at a level with her most carnal centre, the musk of her wet pussy wafting into his nostrils. He went dizzy with desire. He licked her outer lips, and worked his way in. Lapping up her wetness, spreading it over her engorged lips. He pinched the hood, covering her clit, making the fabled little knob come into the light, out ofย  hiding. He licked it once, she trembled. He smiled. He suckled her nubbin, in-between tongue kissing the inside of her pussy. It didn’t take long before she started to grind her hips to meet his warm mouth. She could feel the tidal wave, edging closer and closer. The shivers went all the way to her slender toes. Her breathe hastened, she was now heaving. He concentrated his attentions, exclusively on her knob. She reached down to his head and held it. Not so much for direction, but as a handle for what was coming next. Her guttural moan and the way her lithe form was shaking, let him know that he had sent her over the edge and into oblivion. All flush and disoriented, she let out a small laugh. She pulled him on to the bed, turned him onto his back and straddled his thick staff. He glided right in, aided by her creamy pulsating lips, still quivering and twitching from her recent orgasm. She leaned down to kiss him and tasted herself on his lips. He thrust his hips up and down to meet her ass riding him ever so gently. She started to suck his dick in using her pussy. Kegels, a girls best friend. It had the desired effect. It felt like she was giving him a blowjob with her vaginal walls. Her held onto her hips and drove deeper into her. afrer She cried out, he was on her G-spot. She could feel it coming over her again, he was big and his head touched her right there! He continued to pummel away at her, hitting that sweet spot over and over again. Tears welled up in her eyes, she was cumming. She could see it in his eyes, he was cumming too. She dug her fingers into his shoulders, as he dug his into the flesh of her ass. They rode the wave together, his cum dripping onto his balls and onto the bed. Looking into each others eyes, they descended the heights of ecstasy together. She giggled, the giggle of a high-school girl who just been wooed out of her panties by Prince Charming for her first time. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. “Cut!!! Hio ni poa sana! Take five Maureen. Nyash, ume fuck huyo dem vipoa sana. Tutarudi ku film scene ya pili after the break.” The director motioned to his crew to take aย  break. Maureen took the towel hanging over the director’s seat and wiped off Nyash’s sperm and her sweat. It was her first day on set. She hoped to be the next big thing, on the Kenyan porn industry. It was daunting, but at least she got to wear Loboutins.
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images_6 1:50 pm. I walk in. You’re seated at the head of the long table reading through some papers, forehead creased in concentration. You’re nervous. Your big meeting is set to start in 10 minutes. I’m horny. I don’t care. A few steps and I’m right next to you. You open your mouth to talk but I don’t let you get a word in. I bend down and plant my lips right on top of yours tongue darting in to stifle any errant sounds you might think to produce. You stand up from your chair hoping to push me away, our lips are still conjoined and I’m not about to let you go. I wiggle my butt onto the boardroom table as I wrap my arms around your neck and my legs around your hips. A poke on your ass with my heels brings you closer so that your hardening manhood is grinding onto my extremely sensitive pussy lips. I frigged my cunt good before I showed up at your office, hot and ready. I pull my lips away from yours to whisper in your ear, “If you don’t get your trousers out of the way you’re going to have to explain away the extremely embarrassing wet spot I’ll leave behind, to your board.” A little fiddling and your rock hard member is free. I try to pull you inside me but you’ve got other ideas. In an unprecedented feat of strength, you extricate me from your body and turn me around. I’m now bent over. One hand holds me down so that my face is on the table, the other reaches under my impossibly short skirt to find no panties to pull aside. Pleasantly surprised, you enter me fully in one swift motion. I moan long and hard. “Silence!” You order. And so begins the dance. In and out. Short hard thrusts alternating with long languid ones. I lift my right leg and grind my ass into your groin, round and round as I squeeze my pussy around your cock. You groan and it’s my turn to whisper, “Silence.” It doesn’t take long and the pressure builds. I look at the clock! Shit a minute to 2. They’ll find us. I explode at that thought and my contractions carry you along with me on my journey to nirvana. A pull here, a tug there, a wet wipe through my swollen, thoroughly satisfied lower lips and a kiss on your cheek. I walk out just as the first one walks in.
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Today I’m going to say a bit (ok, a lot!) about our 2nd closest ape relatives, The Bonobo monkey, Pan paniscus. These monkeys have been linked to us not only by their genetic make up and anatomy, but also by their social and most importantly, sexual behavior.It’s only too obvious that I’m about to bombard your tender sensibilities with details of a monkey’s sex life…no it’s not about bestiality, and that’s because any human who’d try that…well that’s a story for later in this article.

People have been talking about Nyeri women for a few years now. Joking about them. Making snide comments like, “Those Neri men are pussies! There’s no way I’d allow my woman to lift even a mosquito against me let alone a panga! Hell, she wouldn’t even dare watch the news about a fire Nyeri in my presence!!!” Well men, you’re in for a shocker. You’d better start shaking in your boots na mapema just to save time. It seems humans of the female persuasion are not going through the motions of evolution as was previously thought but rather are going back to their roots. Bonobo females have higher social status. It’s a matriarchal society through and through. Females tend to collectively dominate males by forming alliances and use sexuality to control males (mental note: keep main and side bitch away from each other). A male’s rank in the social hierarchy is determined by his mother’s rank (explains why men nowadays are such mama’s boys, it’s not just women reverting to their ancestral ways). Yes, sometimes uprisings do occur against the females of a group where males band together but nowhere in history have they ever beaten these super females. With their mating seasons synchronized for centuries, any attempts at mass impregnation only leads to a hormone fueled victory for bonobo femmes. Do I hear disbelief and contradictory remarks? Ati how’s this related to human females especially those from Nyeri? Well, bonobo body proportions closely resemble those of Australopithecus. Richard Dawkins, in his book The Ancestor’s Tale, proposes that chimpanzees and bonobos are descended from Australopithecus gracile type species; in other words, the ancestors of chimpanzees and bonobos would be some of the Australopithecus afarensis (homo sapiens were once that). The Bonobo is from the Congo basin and according to our history so are our wild Bantu, Nyeri women. That plus the fact that the word Bonobo is reported to be the word for ancestor in an extinct Bantu language, doesn’t bode well for men married to Bantu women. Also take into consideration that this is from the tribe that has a myth about how men got all their women pregnant then staged a coup. It’s safe to say that Nyeri women are just taking back what’s rightfully theirs. It’s not about to stop. In fact their ideology may just spread.

Bonobos are also one of the only species that practise face-to-face genital sex a.k.a missionary position instead of the all too ordinary doggie that all other species have used since time indefinite!!! See, doggie can be boring. Spice it up a little, try doing the ‘Johann Ludwig Krapf’ for once (who didn’t get what that meant? keti hapa \_|_ ).Bonobos practice tongue kissing (hey, it’s not the French who invented it after all! And neither did the Indians 300 ago Uberfacts smh) and…pay maximum attention here, ORAL SEX. HA!!! Finally men can say, “Babe, your ancestors require it of you. Mwacha mila ni mtumwa. Now, kneel…please.” DON’T forget to say please, remember these are Nyeri women thing.

NEXT UP: Dildos. Yup, these wily chimps make dildos. (But it’s unnatural!!!) Out of bark and wood nonetheless. (It don’t get more natural than that!!!) One word for these monkey mamas, NINJA!!! Kwani their vajajays are ngumu how? They’re so hardcore they need bark to rub their G spot right! Now back to that bestiality gig I was warning you not to try with these monkeys. Imagine putting your very sensitive knob into a horny little bonobo female, assuming she’s willing and doesn’t think of you as the ugliest thing on earth. Now remember that she’s been using bark. Yes she’ll rip you to shreds!!! And what of the human female? Do you really want a monkey dong that pleasures the bark loving females up in your tender regions? Didn’t think so.

Apparently pole dancing begun wholly as a Pan paniscus pass time.

Something that’ll make you guys happy and annoyed simultaneously. The bonobo (yes, I know referring to them this way makes then seem like a human tribe), don’t form permanent sexual relationships. Yeah, polygamy is innate…but so is polyandry. What’s polyandry, I hear you ask? Well, it’s origin is from the Grecian tongue (and we all know how pervy the Greeks were). Poly of course means many while ‘andry’ comes for the Greek word ‘andras’ ie man. Yes, many men. Females also have it written in their genetic make up that they can, nay, must have more than one male sexual partner at any one given time. Yes, even during sex. Finding that hard to swallow? (I could so have made a nasty joke about swallowing right there, but I’m just innocent like that) Well, let’s hope this next bit of info will shove it all forcefully down your throats ready for further digestion. All that moaning you males seem to like so much, guess what’s it’s purpose is. Just try. No, it’s not to quicken your ejaculation. And no, Mother Nature didn’t like dudes so much that she created it just for your enjoyment. SMH! No more guesses for you lot! The MOAN is an invitation to mate. “‘But that doesn’t make sense! She’s already mating! Why would she invite…oh, oh…” Now you get it. She’s inviting other males in the area to join. Apparently more than one set of sperm competing for that egg ensures only the very very best gets to be born. So subconsciously your woman is inviting any male in the vicinity to come join in your mattress frolics. So when your neighbour comes-a-knocking…

Nature demands that I join you!!! Just ask your wife! Hey! Let me in!

The louder she moans, the more she wants that Devil’s Threesome! Come on, be a generous lover, give it to her.

The Bonobo do not discriminate between the sex and age of their partners. The only thing they’ve been observed to abstain from is intercourse between mothers and their adult sons. When females reach puberty they move from their clan and join a neighbouring one presumably to ensure variance within the species. Upon joining a new group these teenage chimps then engage in homosexual sexual activity with females of that clan in order to forge new bonds that last their lifetime. This sexual practice involves their rubbing sexual organs and is referred to in very high scientific circles as GG-rubbing ie genital-genital rubbing aka tribbing. (I’m assuming their bark dildos came into use at some point.) Homosexual behaviour isn’t limited to the females though. Male Bonobos have been observed hanging from trees, for lack of a better word, ‘penis-fencing’ ie one was Anakin, the other was Darth Vader and their dicks were lightsabers. Before you puke, they also rub scrotal sacs together as a form of reconciliation after a fight. You can now puke, here’s a bucket. That picture preceding this paragraph, I bet they were like, “Dude, you gave me crabs last time we fought!”

Above picture of Halle Berry and below one of Halle Berry’s boobs in the movie Swordfish, all to help you forget the above article

It’s a Friday, go out and get some…Like a BONOBO!!!
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Its unnatural. Unapologetically so. Few cases of this are visible even in the Animal Kingdom. Swans mate for life, penguins also have one life partner and 11 other species. But the most genetically advanced species in the world decides that it is oh so fashionable to render our birth givers and nurturers, single. The phenomenon of the single mother has blind sided us, knocking us off balance and we are teetering on the precipice of the destruction of the family unit. There are many reasons why some mothers are single. By choice, or lack thereof, when a lackadaisical excuse of a man decides he can’t reap what he has sown in his mate’s womb, he has PlayStation and iPhone to buy after all, and diapers would get in the way of his funding some rachet’s cause to drink Guarana out of stock in Kenya. We are not here today to save the world (not yet anyway) We are not here to bash the deserters (already did but that’s besides the point) We are here to celebrate the single mother. To remind her that she is a vision, a goddess. Today I assert my opinion, confident in my conviction, that the single mother, is the sexiest woman in the world (did I hear a ‘PREACH’?). I have met quite a few single mothers. Some are my very close friends. They all have different strengths and characters but one thing that they do have in common, is that they are all mind-numbingly hot! So jaw dropping are their looks that I usually have to compose myself (the pants get uncomfortable for some reason) when talking to them. It’s not a coincidence that this is so. I’ll tell you why. Nature has a way of balancing things out. When you have fallen short of one area, it strengthens another. It’s in nature’s design that there be two of every sex in all species. Male and Female. It’s in our sociology that the sexes be together in a union. Polygamous or Monogamous, doesn’t matter. When a man makes a woman a single mother, it is biologically imperative that she searches for another mate. And how does she get another one? By being physically attractive. Hence the Aphrodite look-alike contest among Single Mothers. Let us delve further though and unearth the other tricks this embarrassingly attractive woman has up her biological and social sleeve. Breasts. Its common knowledge that when aย  woman gives birth, her breasts become engorged with milk. For nurturing her child – I’m looking at you, peeps from Migori. Gentlemen, we all know we have a mild (mild meaning maniacal obsession) liking for breasts. They are round, bouncy and soft. We like them big, not size Double G big (personal preference, not judging you Mr. Serial Motorboater), just big. And no one has larger natural boobs, than a new mother. She is a guaranteed victim of loads of motorboating. Mbrrrrrrrr! Just nuzzle your face into them while hitting it missionary, you wont last a minute my good man! Titties, titties and more titties. It’s a buffet of titties with single moms (literally). Just make sure you don’t suck them, lest you be awash in milk. If you do prefer to suck them, we might need a therapist for you because you might just be the sickest fuck we have, or you might be from Migori. Ass This is also another physiological development in a woman when she is pregnant. The body stores nutritious fats in her derriere for feeding the baby when it’s a foetus, and for making milk when the baby is born. I know I’m preaching to the choir when it comes to ass. If people are spending fortunes just to get some extra padding in the tush, best believe we love us some ass!! Spank it, grab it, bite it. Its there for your enjoyment guys, play nice. Vagina The Vagina is the best invention in the history of man, only seconded by the English Premiere League. It can push out a baby, stretching to unimaginable lengths, then a few months later, go back to normal like that shit didn’t happen! When it does go back though, Its Madonna all over again! Like a virgin!! It becomes tighter than my end month budget! You’ll be stroking her with tears in your eyes, singing Don’t cry for me Argentina . That sex will be the best 5 seconds of your life! This all depends though with the mother’s willingness to do regular Kegel exercises to tighten her vagina. Be ready to light incense after sex and bow down while chanting “I am not worthy” Commitment or Nah The fact that she is single with a Kid, means she just got out of what was once a meaningful relationship. Not particularly eager to get back on the saddle. If you on the other hand aren’t looking for a relationship either, then this works perfectly for both of you. She’s horny because the last dick she sawย  put her in this mess and she hasn’t had none since, you’re horny because… Well because you’re a man. Single moms like to get the ceremony out of the way. That’s because once you’ve given birth, you’re pretty much more bad ass than Batman. No need to beat around the bush. You want to fuck? Let’s fuck. You nut, she cums, just be gone before her son wakes up. On the other hand if she’s been single for a long time and she’s ready to give love another shot, and at the same time you are willing to throw away your Durex packs and let loose your pussy harem, you can make the perfect couple. Because you both know exactly what your goal is. A Single mother has loads to offer both the randy and respectable gentleman. She’s a hot ticket, and I didn’t even need to put her on OLX! Should you be so lucky to bag one, this is the closest you’ll ever get to banging Wonder Woman, because Single Mothers, are the real Super Heroes. Happy Belated Mashujaa Day to all these extra special MILFs out there. You’re my heroes.
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Sometimes all we need a little nasty TLC. You’re home from work/school (not high school), tired, you’ve been rained on, all you want is a hug and some warm tea, but your ‘bae’ ‘boo’ ‘love’ ‘hun’…your resident idiot, is super duper horny for you. You look at that sexy body laid in all its naked glory before you and feel nothing but dread. Your partner wants…nay needs, you to be stellar tonight. There’s nothing worse than sexually disappointing someone so horny they’re turned on by the mere presence of you. No, you need to be at peak performance. But all you wanted is tea! Fuck! How do we salvage this situation? Well, there’s a way you can get the warmth and intimacy you desperately need from your decidedly randy sex mate without leaving them woefully unsatisfied and you even more stressed out and exhausted. The following move is perfect for those nights when all you need is a warm body intent on loving out all the cold this, ironically, chill deficient world, has cruelly inflicted upon you. The Classic Missionary Even monkeys know how to get into this position, but I insist on telling you how because describing these things turns me on a lot little! Lay her down gently on the bed/couch/carpet and kiss her. Kiss her until she starts to moan. afrisex4 Rub yourself against her, body to body, while your tongues whirl against each other’s. If your foreplay involved lots of massage oil then the rubbing will make the experience 100x more erotic. When she’s good and wet, slide your dick head into her. Just the dick head. It’s to collect moisture for what’s coming next. Get your boner wet and slippery then withdraw and run the tip lightly over her swollen clitoris. Some girls will find direct contact to be too much so a circular motion just around the little button’s edges – with a little more pressure than you would around her clit, should do the trick. How to know you’re doing the right thing: She moans, long and hard. Yeah? No. What you should look for is a change in breathing patterns. A sharp intake of breath or an increase in her breathing pace. The faster she breathes the better you’re doing. Of course moaning isn’t discounted…but we’re mostly liars and could be faking it. Just go with the breathing. After rubbing around/on her clit for 15 seconds your dick head is getting dry. Go back down and collect the moisture. Just the dick head yo, don’t get greedy. You can penetrate and withdraw the head a few times just to annoy her, then back to the clit. Take that button in circles until her eyes are rolling in rhythm with your D. Make her beg. Only when she’s at peak arousal are you allowed to enter her full. Do it slowly and gently. Love that pussy. Take it. Have it. Like it’s your most precious possession. As you enter her try your best to maintain eye contact. This part will require a little dialogue beforehand but it’s worth it. Keeping your eyes locked together throughout will be hard. The sensations coursing through your body at this point if you’ve followed my instructions, will be forcing your eyes shut like you’ve got magnets on each eyelid. Ignore instinct and watch your partner make love to you. Intimacy is the key word and this is a foolproof way to achieve it. Who cums first? It’s quite hard to achieve a simultaneous orgasm but trying is always a lot of fun! Having a generous partner that tries to make sure you cum first is always a major plus. Gents have famously been castigated for their selfish ways and we forget that us girls need to make his cumming interesting too. Do your best during foreplay to turn him on as much as you possibly can. Get better at head. Reciprocate with the massage. Don’t be afraid to feel around for sensitive spots. Use all these to your advantage. Move around during the missionary. This isn’t the position to leave it all up to him. Man in charge mpaka lini? You canย shouldย will take control and make his blood boil? What are all those late nights, spent winding your waist in time with Konshens’ instructions for if you can’t transfer this particular skill set to your bedroom? Any ‘good girls’ reading this? You don’t go out? Well, almost all the nursery rhymes we learned as kids taught us how to wind the waist. Yes, it was all for practice. Hook those legs around his waist and start moving! Kegels mami. Super important. That dick massage from your pussy will have him singing the Opera…in his mother tongue!!! Who said the missionary was boring. I would personally like to thank Johann Ludwig Kraphf (sp?) and his Mrs for bringing this position back and insisting on it as the Standard for all good Christians everywhere. In no way did they mention not fiddling with it. Be innovative. Make the tried and true a little nastier. afro
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