The Trouble With Words
I fall in love in the first 3 words he says to me. Always. He doesn’t actually have to say them. Not in this internet age. I only have to stumble upon a status update, a weird tweet or his amazing blog and in that moment, in his next 3 words, I am his. Words are liars though. I’ve learned this over and over again. I can’t trust anybody’s words. I wish that stopped me from falling in love. Or at least falling in love with the unattainable. I wish I could meet a guy the normal way and like him. The normal way being through his voice or his clothes. A glance. A touch. A smile across a room. Drunken dancing in a bar with his hard member rubbing against my plump ass cheeks. Ah to be normal! Yes, I do meet men like this. In offices, shops. Walking about town. In church, when I go… I have moments of madness where my heart tricks my mind that…no, my mind tricks my heart…no, not that way. I don’t know which body part decides first that I can be normal. But it’s always trickery!!! Thinking about it it’s probably my vagina weighing in on my partner choices with the bad advice to go normal. That bitch always wants variety in dick. My intellectual choices are never good for her. Must be her. All the men I meet through words. All of them. None of them have left me sexually satisfied. None! Zero! I’m sure you’re thinking, oh they’re intellectuals! Geeks don’t know how to fuck!!! And that could be true. Whether small or big dicked, geeks generally should not know how to lay a person. It’s scientifically impossible for a geek to give you good shag if he’s not your ‘The One’ (everyone knows The One is a sex god for his intended) For one geeks are porn addicts. Yes, all boys addicts at some point but geeks! Weh! These boys are on some Super Porn Lord level of Porn wizardry. They’re naturally open minded and this gives them agency enough to delve right into the deepest darkest recesses of the weird porn industry. You DO NOT want to search through the rotten imaginations of these depraved geeky minds. Unless you’re me of course. I’ve been told I’m crazy, by trained professionals, I am turned on by these crazy porn addicts. Especially if they’re in the recovery stage. Because what did he see that made him realize he needed to stop? How far down that rabbit hole, falling through endless loops of big titties, granny porn, hentai, bestiality, hermaphrodite shenanigans etc etc, did he have to go before saying “Fuck it! I need my humanity back!” No way someone that’s spent their sexlife beating off and not talking to real women would know how to fuck a real life pussy. But that doesn’t matter to.my mind or heart. These weirdos with their extreme intellect, endless debates about the nature of consciousness and their super porn addictions, are my drug!!! I love these people! But they never want to have sex! Not with me. 🙁 I have had romantic relations with geeky people of the opposite and (sometimes) same sex. They’re fun. Way too much fun. As I said, I fall in love every time I meet one. In the first three words. We talk, a lot! We impress each other -or at least they impress me. We sext, send nudes, talk about the future, especially our future boning but none of it ever materializes. Me and my obsession with words! I can’t stop making them mean things. I can’t stop listening as others use them to make me hear their meaningful phrases and sentences, as they share their thoughts with me. Their ideas of the world, of themselves. Their ideas of me. These words have me in an overly extended dryspell. Words can’t have sex with me! They’re not tangible! But people make words. They speak them. All the time! People have genitals. That could mesh with mine as their mouths regale me with the most gorgeous of lies and tales… Ah to be so lucky! No, I have resigned myself to a fate of listening to endless beauty without hope of ever fulfilling my fantasies of bedding a word genius. My P, is now the decision maker, having cast aside the dryspell happy heart and brain. She decides when she’s had enough of sweet, clit throbbing sounds and where to take all the moisture she’s created in readiness for penetration. My vajayjay doesn’t care how smart whoever enters her is. Besides, she reasons, at the point of entry he might as well be Mr. Bean for all the rational thought he’d be able to manage without adequate blood supply to his brain. They’re all stupid once the little head fills up, so why not just pick a stupid one in the first place. It’s sex not TED Talks! Well Minx, when was the last time we had pillow talk so good we wanted to shag him again immediately after? Answer, 2011 and only because it was revenge sex and the conversation was about destroying that bitch… So, I want a geek! I need a geek! Why won’t a geek shag me though? *tears and a gulp of wine from a box* Fuck you Life! You’re such a collossal bitch! To give me a sex drive that could power a second moon landing and then make me attracted to people with no interest in coital relations! Such cruelty! Aye Life, what? Are you married to Genghis Khan or something? Sleeping with Hitler huh? Wait, threesome with Nero and Kony? Evil bitch!