
How To Give A Killer Blowjob
August 12, 2019So, this is awkward… So much has happened since I last wrote. I moved cities, had a bunch of amazing, kinky, sometimes horrible sex with some amazing,...

The Shaming
August 6, 2019Her size 38E Lime Green bra hang on her full breasts, even as she pulled the straps down the sides of her arms. A small giggle escaped her lips, the l...

HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE: A Sunday Sermon #HoleyMatters
July 13, 2019I’m having a very hard time getting a Domestic Help for the house. Juggling our jobs, while taking care of the baby and house chores is quite&nb...

Feeding the Sexy Beast
September 23, 2018It had occurred to me that probably the reason most people had unfulfilled sex lives was not because they didn’t know the Kamasutra by heart, or...

Niggas Ain’t Shit
September 23, 2018Yeah I said it! Waswahili wasema “Mtoto umleavyo ndivyo akuavyo”. Would it be a surprise, if I told you that hakuna aliye tulea? Our fathe...

Coming Out: I’m Bisexual
August 26, 2018I can’t really remember my very very first sexual experience with a girl. I can’t remember my first sexual experience period. Just snippet...

How To: ANAL
August 23, 2018Suckers! This is actually an article on how to succeed in life…suck seed, hihihi.Anyway, back to the booty. Now, all my anal experience upto let...

On Shame
August 23, 2018The backlash from starting this website…sirizetu, was *whew* tremendous. Did it stop my fucking? Fuck no! Did it stop me writing about all the p...

Sins of the Father 2
August 23, 2018The night wore on, the conversation grew deeper. Judging that Kasee would be privy to his hound dog attempts at unfurling the voluptuous package that ...

Anticipation
January 17, 2015The silkiness of the sheets against my naked bum, softly caressing, rubbing against my warm skin. The scent of the lavender candles, their aroma mixed...

Reasons Why A Girl’s Dryspell Is Worse Than Yours
January 15, 2015The last two years have been the worst in terms of my sexual luck. Best in sexual lack actually. *sigh* I know what you’re going to say, girls c...

Charlie’s Rage
January 14, 2015“Don’t ever make me jealous” He says. I nod, too confused to speak. Flashback on the events that preceded me being tied up and tease...

Sins of the Father
January 13, 2015The pelting rain diluted his steady stream of tears. The crowd dispersed after the casket was lowered. He was left standing there alone. His were a co...

Of Ungrateful Homo Sapiens
January 13, 2015It is said the road to perdition is paved with good intentions. I’m afraid i’m about to become a poster boy for this saying very soon. My ...

Chuma’s Dilemma
January 12, 2015Originally posted on Adventures From The Bedrooms Of African Women here Chuma lay in the dark and tried to stop his dick from rising. He tried – and f...

El-shaddai, The Great Cockblocker
January 6, 2015There's nothing as depressing as starting to believe that your mojo has gone dodo. When you can no longer get the most frigid of women to soak their ...

Dropping the Mic
January 6, 2015Happy New Year to all you purveyors of boner inducing, clit tickling literature!! Can’t wait to see what 2015 has in store, or if you’re i...

The Science Of Affairs
January 4, 2015I have a married friend. Just one. Yes, we’re just friends… I have this rule. An anti-married men rule. It’s not because I’m p...

Third Wheel-ing It
December 7, 2014She took another swig of the beer bottle. I had never seen a girl down Guinness that fast. I hate Guinness. She finished. I ordered another for her. E...

The Motherhood Conundrum
December 7, 2014In society single mothers are viewed as either saints or whores. Yes, I understand that it’s much the same for other women, but I assure you tha...

Jacket for my Jimmy
December 5, 2014The Californian assembly has passed a law that requires all performing actors in the adult entertainment industry to wear condoms. This was passed aft...

Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire!
December 4, 2014The only place that didn’t have these incidences posted on them was probably on the back of cereal boxes. The videos were everywhere. Social med...

Flight MH17 by Magunga Williams
December 4, 2014“Come out, Soni. This little guy is getting impatient.”She has been standing there for over five minutes.“Just a minute hun. I will be right out.”You ...

The Vagina Verse
November 28, 2014He said He’d give us good women in all corners, then he made the world round Then laughed his ass off without making a damn sound I speak to a c...

Keep Going
November 28, 2014Ooooooh, sooooo good! Oh, God… Fuck! (Keep going.) I am buried in her, well, I am trying to bury myself in her, as she seems to have buried hers...

The Trouble With Words
November 20, 2014I fall in love in the first 3 words he says to me. Always. He doesn’t actually have to say them. Not in this internet age. I only have to stumbl...

Welcome To The City
November 17, 2014All my life I had dreams of going to Nairobi like most of my older cousins. I had seen photos of how great the buildings looked, and I was told the sm...

Chipo Tales: Limp Sausage (a twitter story)
November 17, 2014https://twitter.com/SiriZetu/status/531462995499843584 https://twitter.com/SiriZetu/status/531463468302745600 https://twitter.com/SiriZetu/status/5314...

A Man Under Siege
November 17, 2014As the most qualified member of the male species to offer them representation (quit giving me the side-eye lads) I’m here to re-negotiate our co...
Power
November 13, 2014On a recent episode of Scandal, resident heroine, Olivia Pope, went toe to toe with her Father who happens to be a feared spy master. Her Father, with...
Fap Tales
November 10, 2014I have been told that I fap too much by concerned friends. No, they didn’t do it intervention-style, but they would have if they knew each other...
The Intimate Confessions Of A Kiambu Maid – Part 3
November 9, 2014[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/175770754″ params=”color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&sh...
The Intimate Confessions Of A Kiambu Maid – Part 2
November 4, 2014Transcription Reke gwire, my dear, arume matiendaga mundu wa kanitha, urehage ukanitha nginya uriri. Muthuri arenda gukugarura, arenda umuigire itina ...
Saturday Afternoon Conversations
November 4, 2014Let me taste you, just a little. But you are tasting me. I like it so very much I want more. You can’t have it all at once. You’ll die of...
The Intimate Confessions Of A Kiambu Maid
November 3, 2014Transcription Eh! Ona diugaga kuoguo keino reke gwire. Nie mudu rume ucio wakwa diue kuria arutire experience. Nwona kang’ura, anyogaga ginya ga...
Coffee or Cream
November 3, 2014What amuses me with Twitter and social media in general is that somebody somewhere with a smartphone and a few bundles, thinks of something and decide...
Build Up
October 31, 2014It starts with a tug, at your shirt (Notice me), a hand brushed here ever so hintingly (I want…no,), an accidental bump. Then, comes the hug, th...
Working Girl
October 31, 2014Her shoes were killing her. But Loboutins were worth the death of your heel. The walk to the bed was a slow sashay of the hips, as if performing to a ...
Boardroom Shenanigans
October 29, 20141:50 pm. I walk in. You’re seated at the head of the long table reading through some papers, forehead creased in concentration. You’re ner...
Kamiti Prisoners Demand Ultra Strong Condoms
October 27, 2014KAMITI Prisoners Demands Ultra Strong CONDOMS It looks like a lot is going on ‘behind’ behind bars at KAMITI maximum prisons. The inmates ...
All About Monkey Sex
October 24, 2014Today I’m going to say a bit (ok, a lot!) about our 2nd closest ape relatives, The Bonobo monkey, Pan paniscus. These monkeys have been linked t...
The Seduction of Motherhood
October 21, 2014Its unnatural. Unapologetically so. Few cases of this are visible even in the Animal Kingdom. Swans mate for life, penguins also have one life partner...
Super Intimate Sex Positions: THE CLASSIC MISSIONARY
October 21, 2014Sometimes all we need a little nasty TLC. You’re home from work/school (not high school), tired, you’ve been rained on, all you want is a ...
Getting Away With Murder
October 16, 2014I think it’s time we dropped this charade. It’s getting older than Moi’s nose hairs and it may earn us men some much needed respite....
Sex On The Beach…nkt!!!
October 14, 2014Here and now, let me tell you today, NEVER EVER HAVE SEX AT THE BEACH!!! EVER!!! Why? Well, because it’s a really really bad idea for your genit...
5 Sex Positions For Deep Penetration
October 14, 2014The following positions should never ever miss out on your repertoire of staple sex positions, especially when you’re in the not-so-gifted categ...
My dear little Slut
October 3, 2014Dear little Slut,Do you have something inside your butt?That's making you look a little sickOh yeah! It's just the Konda's ginormous dick&...
Pavlov And Coitus
October 3, 2014So Minnie tells Mickey that she wants a divorce. Mickey asks her, “Are you fucking crazy? ” She tells him, “No, I’m fucking Go...
Dryspell Mania
October 3, 2014Do not eat when you’re hungry because you’ll end up eating junk. My mum keeps telling me that. For a really long time I thought it was tor...
Musical Sausages
September 28, 2014I’ve done the dirty to all sorts of music. Ragga, dancehall, rock, death metal (got chocked that time), house, dubstep and one very weird time, ...
Blood in the Twilight
September 26, 2014Most men didn’t know what they were doing in between her legs, or, she figured, didn’t care if they did. Some tried to impress her. Those ...
SO YOU HAVE JUST SPANKED A RANDOM WOMAN? by Harvey J
September 25, 2014I have urges, very specific, very weird urges. Urges I never act on them because I would then be an asshole. I have thought of dropping someone’s phon...
Week Night Shenanigans
September 23, 2014You’re laughing when he walks in. You don’t see him but you know he’s present. Every hair on your body, your pulse, your skin, the t...
Dangerous Curves ahead
September 22, 2014I used to like Nicki Minaj. Her flow was sick! She was in a league of her own, so much so that she challenged her male counterparts who couldn’t...
K’s Story
September 22, 2014Around election time 2013, an older girlfriend of mine invited me to her place for dinner and drinks. Except for two that had come as a couple, the re...
Holey Matters
September 21, 2014THE FINAL STRAW I resent the person that reduced men into a mindless pack of erections on limbs, when they said that we can and do stick our pricks in...
Johnny
September 16, 2014I met him at midday. It was hot as hell in Mombasa, and there was no way I was walking from Equity to Cannon Towers, a 10 minute walk in normal circum...
Mrs. K by Longman
September 16, 2014On the first day in my new school, I was not happy at all. I was in Form 3 and tasked with starting all over again; making new friends, adjusting to n...
Popped (a twitter story)
September 14, 2014He was beautiful. She'd stared at him for days. Watching him. He did everything beautifully. He ate, walked, talked, listened so well…&mdash...
The Chipo Experience: Perfect Quickies
September 13, 2014It’s a Saturday today, and yesterday a vast majority of you was our shaking booty and drowning your livers at various Anti-Mututho establishment...
The Arse Theory (Girly Version)
September 11, 2014So a few days ago, a pal of mine said I have really twisted theories…I sooo don’t!!! Ok, maybe I do. What you don’t realize is that ...
Rocket Science 101: Sex For Beginners
September 11, 2014Ahem! Attention! I’m talking to you. Yes you! You with the nerd glasses, you with the single condom in your pocket that’s been there for 8...
Multisexual Beings
September 10, 2014FLOWERS. Most girls love flowers. Take a girl a bouquet right before you mess up (after? they’ll get shredded and/or thrown at you) and you̵...
FIRST TIME by Sakajawea
September 9, 2014Losing it. It was a hot summer afternoon, I was just laying on my couch cruising through the TV channels when he calls. “Have you had lunch? ...
Showers And Soapy Matters
September 9, 2014For the record, the idea for this post came from a girl-pal of mine who’s very curious as to how people in this depraved world of ours conduct t...
Penis For Your Thoughts
September 5, 2014This conversation takes place from 9am – 10am between myself and Peter Penis. “Hey dude! Wake up! I’m always up before you everyday...
8 Moves To Spice Up Your Oral Sex
September 5, 2014You probably have a ton of favorite positions when it comes to sex, but what about foreplay? If your pre-sex routine is feeling, well, routine, it’s t...
I’m a Slave for your Lust
September 4, 2014Picture this. It’s 1858, the place is a cotton plantation in the Antebellum South of Mississippi, America. As usual is been a sweltering day. Th...
Intrusion (continued)
September 4, 2014No! No, no, no, no! Where had that sound come from? Why did she moan? She couldn’t be enjoying this! It wasn’t possible!!! No, no! She wou...
The Dirt on Fantasies
September 3, 2014“What turns you on?” Such a loaded question! The sheer quantity and variety of possible answers to this question is daunting! You can̵...
Bare Naked Truth
September 3, 2014I spare no amount of effort nor will power in saying this, knowing fully well that i shall bear a great cross once these words escape my mouth but he...
Intrusion
September 2, 2014Keys. Where were her keys? Her hand searched deep into her 10kg handbag. She remembered how he never let her call these big bags ‘cute’ an...
Instincts and Money matters
September 2, 2014We all know Chris Brown, he of the ‘beat the fuck out of Rihanna’ fame (yes I said it FIDA! Sue me). Well Chris has a new hit single rulin...
Double Oh Origins
September 2, 2014The bartender placed his drink on the counter. The vodka rippled,he took a sip. The bartender took the consequent wink from his customer that, the dri...
Sexting Bigwigs: Part 2 Ep2 (the freaky edition)
August 31, 2014I tell you to change position. You get on all fours. Doggy. Face down ass up. I stick my condomless in your pussy half way then remove it. You weren...
Hole-y Matters
August 31, 2014THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE We are all liars. We lie to each other everyday. I’ve told so many lies in my few years under our Earth’s sun...
On Fantasies
August 30, 2014by VanillaSpice The Minx told me to write for her. Earlier on, I’d asked her to read stuff I’d written before, and then to tell me what she thought. T...
Have Some Humanity!
August 29, 2014I don’t trust people who say they don’t watch porn. I mean who the hell doesn’t watch porn? I’d forgive the Pope because he ha...
Sexting Bigwigs: Part 2 Ep1
August 29, 2014Hey Hey This is exciting lol Hahaha! Really? Yeah lol. Because we don’t know each other. Taboo. Is it really taboo? I know how you look a...
Bus ride to an Orgasm. Part 1
August 28, 2014It was 5 hours long. I’d carried a book to read on the trip,I was almost done with the final chapter when I heard someone say we were 10mins awa...
Sexercise 101: Squats
August 28, 2014We talked about the importance of introducing kegels to help strengthen your pussy’s pc muscles, strengthening your pelvic floor to avoid the to...
After Lunch Shenanigans
August 28, 2014He shouted at you again at work today. Just a few minutes ago actually. You’d left for lunch at 11 after getting to work late, at 9, and gotten ...
Sexercise 101: Kegels and Butterflies
August 27, 2014Your time to become a sex goddess that leaves your man a quivering mass of spent fantasies and lifeless organs, is here! Kegels you’ve probably ...
Sexercise 101: Introduction
August 27, 2014We women like to think we are perfect. That our bodies are perfectly engineered to please man. Isn’t that why they’re so obsessed with sex...
Animal Lovers
August 26, 2014“Bestiality is an ugly word for a beautiful act. Inter species love is the purest kind. Beyond colour, race, sex, appearance, smell. Beyond spec...
River Goddess
August 25, 2014I read this story once where a village girl wandered down to the river at the dead of night. She was sleep walking but was fully awake at the same tim...
Post Pregnancy Puss (PPP)
August 25, 2014My mum and aunties were never shy about sharing their childbirth horror stories with me, they are, in fact, embedded right in there with some of my ea...
Feeding the Sexy Beast
August 25, 2014Njoki Chege made a valid point when she talked about irresponsible wives letting their husbands drown in belly fat. It is irresponsible behavior, and ...
The Amazing Race
August 24, 2014“You see how we have Halle Berry in the United States, in Ethiopia the streets are filled with Halle Berrys” -Chris Tucker- In a long runn...
Hole-y Matters
August 24, 2014ROCKET SCIENCE 101: Monogamy I like to believe Adam and Eve’s relationship was easy. They had plenty of food and water, they were both ridiculou...
Connection Dramas
August 23, 2014Isn’t it always so sad though, when the perfect man is hopeless between the sheets? He could be just the right age, the right build, the right j...
Sexing The Mboch
August 23, 2014A few years ago the gorgeous Jude Law (2nd white guy I’d totally bone) was caught cheating on his wife, the goddess Sienna Miller, with their dr...
Aphrodisiac Loving
August 21, 2014It’s been a while since I’ve tried something new. Mostly because I’ve realized Kenyan men are generally scared of change, especially...
Official Sex
August 21, 2014Last year there was a review of our workplace CCTV camera footage. What was discovered was astonishing! Apparently in an empty office, when they thoug...
Fapping For Ladies 101
August 20, 2014My partner in crime, FacialKnight, talked about the benefits of choking the chicken juzi. According to him 100% of dudes have gone through that same e...
Eat your P’s kid!
August 20, 2014A friend of mine swears he can’t eat vagina. Don’t worry, I have put our friendship under investigation, like, how did this neanderthal ...
#OOMFF
August 19, 2014I joined Twitter in 2009.Mainly because I wanted to read white people Jokes. White boys and bored house Fraus make for the best comedy. As the site t...
Choking on Pythons
August 19, 2014In the books I read as a teenager, it was always the first time for the heroine when the hero laid her down gently on the canopy bed/ soft grass/ beac...
Sabina Joys?
August 18, 2014I can’t remember who told me this story but I’m glad they did, because now I get to tell you why visiting fine establishments like Sabina ...
Plundering The Totem
August 18, 2014Sex must be the creation that God is most proud of. For Him, it must be like when you pour wax on ants and watch to see how they will react. Then He l...
Monday Morning Shenanigans
August 18, 2014It’s Monday morning, you woke up at 3:30 am, showered with that expensive new perfumed soap, applied lavender scented Esteé Lauder lotion, some ...
Swirl, Gargle and Swallow
August 17, 2014I love Amanda Seyfried. Those big eyes, those amazing boobs and that smile. Crap… Just got myself hard! Excuse me, i need to use the bathroom...
Hole-y Matters
August 17, 2014I’m always terrified when I meet a guy that wants to romance me in this ruthless Kenya of ours where things wanted are taken without a thought f...
Drunken Fun
August 16, 2014What is it about drunk sex that’s so like that *stare at image above for not less than 20 seconds*? Is it the loss of inhibition? Not caring how...
Strokes And Woes
August 15, 2014So I just saw people on Twitter talking about stroke game. I don’t care about how long you can hit it by the way, so long as you’re hittin...
Hairy Disasters
August 15, 2014To shave or not to shave? that is the question. First of all, if you live at a place that hits27°c and over occasionally then you HAVE TO shave! No ne...
Short Cummings 😉
August 14, 2014I used to think I was the ‘tall, dark and handsome’ kind of girl. The dream was to get someone that fit that description and had a great b...
Biting The Button And Other Fails
August 14, 2014I promised a sequel to jana’s post and boys, it’s your turn. I hate head! Hate it! I could have been right at the top of the pleasure moun...
Of Teeth And Ball Busting Femmes
August 13, 2014I woke up like this –> sore throat. Naturally (umm…coz I’m what they call a pervert), I thought of blowjobs and this girl pal that t...
LUST IDENTIFIED.
August 11, 2014Do you ever get so horny you just press your thighs together: squeeze, let go, squeeze, let go until you’re so worked up you would come at a fe...
Yikes! Sah! Your Ting Be Too Big.
August 11, 2014Eish! That’s tear your pussy up dick! Look at it! See it!!! Massive! Yeah white people, that’s what we’ve got lurking in our African...
The Delicate Nuances Of Zones
August 10, 2014On Saturday I was at this cool kids’ gathering in town, a tweetup/instameet. Hey, relax! Don’t worry, I’m not about to bore you with...
So, ABOUT NUDES….
August 8, 2014I get the ‘guys are idiots for visual aid’ thing but the nudes craze is extremely out of hand! I keep bitching that dudes don’t even...
THE HORNY 18 YEAR OLD – A study
August 8, 2014I had fun at 18. Lots and lots of fun. Too much? Most probably. I don’t know how you spent your 18th year girly, but if it was having lots of st...
ABOUT YOUR FINGERS (the sequel)
August 7, 2014So, I’m not one to complain and leave out the solution and given the magnanimous mood I’m in today, you might just get more than you barga...
ABOUT YOUR FINGERS (the sequel)
August 7, 2014So, I’m not one to complain and leave out the solution and given the magnanimous mood I’m in today, you might just get more than you barga...
ABOUT YOUR FINGERS
August 7, 2014Let’s just be honest girls and tell these honies that the pot of gold they’re digging for, well, they ain’t going to find it. You...